


Say You Remember

by mckrose40



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Future, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Contains Sensitive Topics, F/M, Future Fic, I Blame Tumblr, I'm Going to Hell, Memory Loss, Romance, Slow Build, Temporary Amnesia, Tumblr Prompt, post-season one
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-01
Updated: 2016-03-27
Packaged: 2018-02-15 15:51:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 22,577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2234688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mckrose40/pseuds/mckrose40
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Seven years of her life gone, forgotten, and he couldn't feel more helpless.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This work is a mixture of tumblr prompts. A device prompt: amnesia & an angst prompt: Have the worst thing that could happen to the main character happen. This plot bunny wouldn't leave me alone so it had to be done. Also, I apologize in advance for what's going to happen/be mentioned in future chapters. I'm a terrible, terrible person.

Her head hurt.

Her head hurt so much that she just wished she could go back to sleep, but the ringing in her ears was too loud. She had gotten used to sleeping through a lot of things since they first arrived on the ground, but this was just too much.

"I think she's waking up!" she heard someone call. She didn't want to open her eyes because she knew that the moment she did she would regret it. She would come face to face with the white ceiling, the white walls, the white furniture, and the white jumpsuit of whoever decided to pay her a visit today. She wasn't quite ready for that yet. She just wanted to go back to sleep. "Come on, Clarke. Wake up," the person urged.

Clarke couldn't help but find a sense of familiarity in the woman's voice. Was this the woman that visited her every other day to escort her to the showers? Or was it the woman that occasionally brought her tea to calm her nerves? She wasn't sure, but whoever it was made her feel comfortable, made her feel safe. Nothing like those men in the white lab coats that came into her room at all hours of the day to run a multitude of tests on her. Whoever the voice belonged to, they were clearly a friend.

After a few moments, another voice - clearly male - added, "Come on, Princess. Open your eyes." Her eyes flew open upon hearing the nickname. How did they know? That was _his_ nickname for her.

Clarke was in shock when she realized that the ceiling she stared up at wasn't the white tile ceiling of her room on Mount Weather, but instead a ceiling of gray and brown stone. She sat up only to be pushed back down, a hand on each of her shoulders.

"You need to take it easy, Clarke. You hit your head really hard. Honestly, I don't know how you survived the impact, but-"

"But we're all happy you did," the man said, cutting the woman off before she could continue what she had been trying to say.

Clarke shifted her glance around the room, landing on the only figure that wasn't concealed by the shadows in the dark room. "Raven?" Clarke croaked, her voice hoarse and barely audible. Her eyes narrowed in disbelief. How was she here? She hadn't been allowed contact with anyone from her group since she arrived at Mount Weather. So why were they allowing her to see Raven now? Maybe they weren't.

"Raven, you need to get out of here before they come back," Clarke warned her, glancing around the room to see if there were any cameras hidden in the corners of the room. What room was she in anyway? It definitely wasn't her old one. When had they moved her?

Raven raised a brow and laughed. "What are you talking about Clarke? Who?"

Clarke's eyes widened. Had Raven not been visited and tested on by those people like she had? "Them. The M- The Mountain Men, Raven. You need to get out of here. If they catch you in here, who knows what they'll do to you. I'd rather we didn't find out."

Raven's mouth drop open and her eyes softened as she closed her mouth, it turning into a deep frown. She turned around when she sensed the person behind her trying to step forward, out of the shadows. "Just give me some time with her. Her body's beaten. We don't want her mind to be, too."

The person nodded and walked out of the room with sagging shoulders, clearly disappointed. Was it Finn?

_ No, he's dead. Stop thinking like that, Clarke. You're only going to disappoint yourself. _

A hand on her shoulder brought her mind back to Raven. Clarke sat up, back against the headboard, and couldn't shake the achy feeling I'm her body. What had they done to her this time?

"Clarke, what do you remember?" she asked, eyes holding an unreadable emotion. Hurt, maybe? Exhaustion? "What's the last thing you remember before-" she paused and bit her lip. "-Before you went to sleep last?"

Clarke closed her eyes trying to remember. The white walls, the IV in her arm, the man in white standing over her as she drifted into the darkness that had become her own personal hell for the past two weeks. "They put me to sleep. I had tried to escape, so they put me to sleep."

"And where do you think you are now?" she questioned, in a tone that was almost like a mother to her young child.

"Well, they obviously moved me out of quarantine. Do you know where we are?" Clarke asked, turning the conversation around. She didn't like being questioned, especially when there was a possibility of cameras watching over them like hawks.

"Clarke, we're not on Mount Weather anymore. We're about thirty miles from it," Raven said, looking cautiously at Clarke, not know what reaction to expect. Seeing Clarke's confused expression she continued to explain. "Almost a month after we had been taken there we were rescued. What was left of us walked through the woods for a few days before we settled here. Since then we've been thriving. We don't have the luxuries of the Ark here, but it's our lives now, Clarke."

Clarke stared at the wall ahead of her, a blank expression on her face. "How long?"

Raven's brow furrowed in confusion. "What?"

She asked again through gritted teeth. "How long has it been since we've been rescued?" Something was wrong. Was this one of those hallucinations that she had when they would question her until she broke down crying after they left? Was Finn going to appear at any moment? Was Bellamy going to haunt her like he did before? She looked to Raven expectantly.

"Clarke, maybe you should just rest some more," she suggested, getting up. "We can talk more about this when you're feeling a bit better.

Clarke was angry, seething. She wanted answers and she wanted them now. "No, Raven," she said, raising her voice until she was yelling. "You're going to tell me now!"

Raven sat down immediately, not wanting to test Clarke any further. Her eyes were wide like a deer in the headlights.

"Clarke, I really don't think-"

"Explain everything right now, Reyes," she hissed.

Raven opened her mouth to speak, but before she could _he_ came bursting into the room, directly to Clarke's side. He looked at her with tender admiration before turning to Raven. "What happened? Why was she yelling?"

Raven kept her head down and replied softly, "She doesn't remember."

He turned his gaze back to her, staring at her with worried eyes. Clarke lifted her hand to his face, grazing his skin with her fingertips. "How?" she asked. "How are you here? I- I burned you alive!" Her words came out as screams now, and she pulled her hand back to her body, cradling it as if he had done something to it. "I left you outside of the drop ship to die! I thought I killed you! How?"

Raven put a hand on his shoulder. He stood and moved back to the spot in the shadows he had been in before he left. Clearly, the interaction between him and herself had left him hurt and disappointed. She could tell by the look in his eyes. The bed sank a bit as Raven sat next to Clarke on the edge and took a hold of her hand. "Clarke, you need to listen closely and carefully. I didn't want to push too much on you at once but you want answers, so I'm going to give them to you. But only on one condition," she bargained.

Clarke raised an eyebrow at her. "And what would that be?"

"You need to understand what happened to you before I tell you anything about where we are and who you are now."

_ Who I am now? Have I changed that much in a few months? _

"Okay, fine. What happened to me?"

Raven takes a deep breath, glancing back at him. "Three days ago you went out with Monty, Monroe, and Jones to search for more medicinal herbs since you were starting to run low on supplies. There was an explosion and-"

"Hold up. Explosion?" Clarke asked incredulously.

Raven nodded. "Right after we settled here, we set up some land mines to keep the Mountain Men from attacking us again. Most of them were marked. I had made sure. But I guess we missed one."

Clarke felt a sudden pain in her chest. "Who?" she asked. To clarify, she added, "Who tripped it?"

Raven didn't meet her eyes. "Jones," she told her sadly. "You were thrown back by the blast into a tree. You had a pretty bad head injury and a few ribs were broken. You hit you head hard enough to send you into this temporary coma, though. Like I said, the explosion was three days ago."

That's why her chest hurt so much. It also explains the constant ringing in her ears and the way her head pounded, like someone was knocking on her skull non-stop. "How's everyone else?"

"Monroe is in critical condition right now. She was closest to Jones when he triggered the explosion, but Monty only had a few cuts that were easily stitched up. He's been with Monroe ever since."

She nodded slowly, swallowing hard. "Jones is dead." It wasn't a question but a statement. She tried to block out the mental images that her head was creating. She was happy she didn't see it; pieces of his charred body littering the forest floor.

Raven met her eyes again. "Yes. We heard the explosion from here and found you almost instantly. Monty was with Monroe. He found her just after the blast."

"How's he doing?" Monty was always nice to her, probably one of her best friends even.

"He's shaken up, worried about Monroe, but he should be fine if she recovers." Clarke caught onto the “if” almost immediately and felt guilty. She didn't know why, but she did regardless.

"Are Monroe and Monty-" she began to ask before Raven cut her off with a quick "no".

"He has feelings for her, but I don't think she reciprocates," she explained. Raven sighed loudly before speaking again. "Are you ready to hear what I'm going to tell you? I don't want to upset you."

Clarke nodded and indicated for Raven to start. "Start with how long it's been since Mount Weather."

She didn't fail to catch the sympathetic look that crossed Raven's face. "It's been nearly seven years, Clarke. Six years and eight months to be exact."

Clarke closed her eyes, fighting the tears that threatened to spill onto her face. How could she just forget seven years? She had read about memory loss on the Ark, but this was ridiculous. Seven years? "How were we rescued?"

"Lincoln and Octavia. They had some help from the Grounders by the sea, but it was mostly them. It didn't hurt that you had escaped and managed to help a majority of us escape before they arrived," Raven said with a smile on her lips, a nostalgic look on her face.

Clarke tried her hardest to remember their escape, but she just couldn't. It was almost as if it never happened. "Did I know that they were coming to help us? Is that why I broke everyone out of their rooms?"

Raven's smile fell and her lips tightened. "I don't know. If you did someone on the inside was helping us because no one was ever allowed out of their rooms. We had no idea who was alive or dead for nearly a month."

Clarke shifted her gaze to the shadows. "How are you still alive?"

Bellamy stepped out of the shadows and towards Clarke. Raven have him a look that halted his movements and he paused hallway between her and the wall. "When we saw the drop ship door close, we ran for our lives."

"We? You mean Finn-"

Just as she said his name, he flew into the room like his life depended on it. "Everyone's saying you're finally awake. I had to see for myself," he told her, approaching quickly. He seated himself on the edge of the bed next to her only to pull away by Bellamy.

"Give her some room, Spacewalker," he commanded, eyes full if anger.

Clarke laughed. "Well, it's nice to see that some things haven't changed."

Bellamy's eyes softened as they turned to her. Despite his own words, he took Finn's spot next to her. "How are you feeling?" he asked, grabbing onto her hand, stoking the back of it with his thumb.

Clarke glanced down at their hands, confused. She looked back up at him and replied, "I'm fine. I would like something to drink though."

Bellamy looked over his shoulder at Finn expectantly. "Well? Go get her some water!"

Clarke frowned. "You didn't have to yell at him, Bellamy."

"I did. I don't like the way he-" He paused when he felt Raven's hand on his shoulder, making him think twice about continuing his train of thought.

"'You don't like the way he' what?" Clarke asked, frustrated with the secrecy and the way they had to be careful about what they said around her.

"Nothing. I need some air."

And with that he got up and left. Clarke's eyes followed him as he exited through the curtain that acted as a door until she couldn't see him anymore. "What's his problem?" she asked Raven.

"This is just really hard on him, Clarke. A lot happened in the last seven years, and you not remembering has everyone a little weary."

"What happened in the past seven years that I need to know?"

Raven's eyes held a sadness in them that made Clarke almost regret asking. Almost. "I think its best that you find out with time. I'm not going to force feed you your memories. That would only make you more confused than you already are, you would have a lot more questions, and frankly, I just don't have the answers to those questions. Right now, questions are just making this harder for everyone."

When Clarke opened her mouth to respond it was cut off by the sudden presence of a little girl, one that Clarke found fascinating.

"Mommy! Mommy!" she squealed in delight, laughing. Raven grabbed onto her, halting her forward motion, and picked her up in her arms. Clarke observed Raven and the child together. She had dark hair and tanned skin. She was about three, maybe four, and looked like she didn't have a care in the world.

The curtain in the doorway moved again and Jasper entered the room, looking guilty as he eyed the little girl in Raven's arms. "I'm so sorry, Raven. I tried to keep her outside, but when she found out that Clarke was awake she took off running. The buggers fast."

Clarke smiled at Raven. "Wow," she breathed out. "Raven Reyes; a mom. I never thought I'd see that."

Bellamy returned to the room and, after seeing the little girl in Raven's arms, he scooped her into his own. He gave Clarke a weary look before whispering something in the little girl’s ear and kissing her forehead, making her laugh.

"Oh my gosh! You and Bellamy-"

"Clarke, she's not mine."

And suddenly, her head hurt even worse than before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, for any errors. I didn't have time to proof read since I wanted to post before work, but I will do some editing when I get some time. 
> 
> Constructive criticism is always welcome. Also any ideas, things you'd like to see happen, suggestions to improve the work, etc. are always taken into consideration by me. So please feel free to leave a comment to let me know what you think! 
> 
> Also I have a pretty basic outline of what I want to do with this, so updating should be pretty routine unless I get a sudden case of writer's block and feel the need to rewrite some chapters. My estimate is a new chapter every five-seven days, but no promises. It's simply just a goal.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So technically, the website tells me I'm publishing this chapter on the 9th, but in my time-zone, it's only 9:30 on the 8th. So I procrastinated (like I do with everything) and made my deadline that I set for myself at the very latest possible moment. Anyway, sorry for the wait and I hope you enjoy this chapter!

_ "Clarke, she's not mine." _

The words played over and over again in her head, as if on repeat. Her eyes were wide, staring at the little girl sitting in Bellamy's lap. Raven had left soon after her confession to give Clarke some time to adjust, to give Bellamy some time to explain. She left with a concerned look directed at Clarke. He hand brushed Bellamy's shoulder on the way out, a gesture to show her support during this time. Once Raven was gone, she braced herself for the conversation that she knew was coming, but instead if speaking, Bellamy on stared at her like she was fragile, close to breaking.

And she was.

She didn't realize she had started shaking until the little girl crawled into her lap. Clarke froze as she gripped her shoulders and asked, "Mama, why are you shaking? Are you cold? You really shouldn't be cold, Mama. It's summer!"

Clarke opened her mouth to reply but snapped it shut before she said anything. This wasn't real; she wasn't a mother, she didn't have a child with Bellamy, she wasn't rescued. She would wake up still in her bland and excruciatingly white room in Mount Weather.

They did this to her on a regular basis. Give her some drugs that sent her into a dream world, one where she was rescued by Finn, reunited with her mother, and sometimes even back on the Ark with her father still alive. It was painful when she woke up, and that was how they were slowly breaking her. It was torture - not physically but emotionally and mentally - and it was working.

But this was different. Why would she dream of being a mother? Why would she dream of being with Bellamy? Why would she dream of being _the mother of Bellamy's child_? None if it made sense, and it was driving her insane. Sooner than later, she would break. She wasn't as strong now as she used to be.

"Please say something," Bellamy finally spoke up, pleading with her. She shifted her gaze to meet his sad eyes. "Anything. Clarke, this silence is killing me."

"What's wrong, Mama?" the child asked. Inquisitive, Clarke thought.

"What's her name?" She surprised herself when she heard her own voice. She doesn't remember saying that. She doesn't even remember thinking it. It was like she had almost no control over herself. It was like _they_ were controlling her.

Bellamy opened his mouth to respond, but the little girl beat him to it. "You're really silly, Mama. You know my name!" she teased, hands finding Clarke's cheeks.

Clarke winced at the touch and Bellamy noticed. "Aurora!" he scolded. "You know your mother doesn't feel well. You need to be gentle with her."

_ Aurora _ . Like his mother, she thought, remembering him mentioning her once.

"Don't call me that, Daddy. It's _Rory_ ," the little girl told her father defiantly, chin held high and hands on her hips.

"Aurora," Bellamy warned her, eyes narrowing to give his best intimidation face that was appropriate for a child. It was such a drastic change from the Bellamy that she knows. That she _knew_.

"You're not fun. Mama's fun."

Bellamy rolled his eyes when Aurora turned to look at Clarke. "Why don't you go find Raven? See if she'll take you to see the butterflies while Daddy talks to Mommy."

Aurora glanced at Clarke with a hopeful expression in her eyes, but when Clarke didn't say anything she frowned and said, "Okay, Daddy." She gave Clarke a quick kiss - which made her gasp - before climbing off of the bed to give Bellamy a kiss and exiting the small room.

"She listens well thanks to you," Bellamy told Clarke trying to ease the tension in the room. He hated this, not know what was going on in her head, while Clarke hated seeing all of the love for her in eyes that once held only hatred.

Clarke tried her hardest to think of something to say in response, but the only words that came out were, "This is real." By the look on Bellamy's face, that was the wrong thing to say. Possibly the worst.

"Clarke," he sighed. "I know this is hard for you, but-"

"You have no idea how hard this is for me!" she shouted, not letting him finish what he had begun to say. Clarke felt like crying. Maybe she needed to cry for it to feel real. For it to be _real_. "I don't remember the past seven years of my life. I'm being told that I'm in love with you, that we have a child together for fucks sake, Bellamy!" She lost it. She was crying before she knew it.

And Bellamy was there in a nanosecond to wipe away her tears. "Hey, please don't cry. I hate it when you cry."

A sob ripped through her whole body. She looked at his worried expression with sad eyes, lip trembling. One of his hands was smoothing down her hair, while the other held onto her wrist, scared if he tried to hold her hand it would only push her further away. "I'm sorry, Bellamy."

His eyes softened even further, something she didn't think was possible. The hand in her hair moved to cup her face, thumb swiping across her cheekbone softly. "You have nothing to be sorry for. This is going to be difficult for all of use." Clarke watched his Adam's apple bob up and down as he swallowed hard. "I'll answer any questions you ask if that'll make it easier for you."

A million questions raced through Clarke's mind, but only one was voiced. "How old is she? Rory?"

Bellamy mustered a small smile. "She turned four nearly a month ago." He was glad, that out of all of the questions she could have, she asked about their daughter. It gave him hope, something that had been very fleeting for the last few days. "She really looks up to you, you know."

Clarke shook her head, disappointed. "No, Bellamy. _I don't know_ , and that's the problem. I go to sleep in Mount Weather and wake up seven years into the future, thirty miles away from where I thought I was, with a family. I don't know anything. I don't remember, Bellamy."

And there it was. She hit the breaking point. And so did Bellamy. Clarke - _his Clarke_ \- was gone and in her place was the woman that he found broken and damaged nearly seven years ago. It was painful to just see her this fragile once more. It broke his heart. "You just need time," he suggested. "Do you want to see Rory?"

Clarke shook her head and met his gaze, a decrepit look in her once sparkling blue eyes. "I just need time," she repeated his words. "When you go can you send Finn in?" He nodded and hung his head in defeat. She would come around eventually, she had to; if not for him, for Rory. He moved forward, intending to place a soft kiss on her cheek but thought better of it and turned around to leave.

Raven and Finn were waiting outside of the hut, waiting for news. He shook his head and their mouths instantly dropped into frowns. "She wants to see you, Spacewalker," he told Finn. Once it was just Bellamy and Raven, he broke down. He didn't want to in front of Clarke and definitely not Rory. She already had one broken parent. She didn't need to know that she had two. "Nothing," he whispered just loud enough for Raven to hear. "After everything we've been through, she remembers absolutely none of it."

Raven pulled his large from into her small one and hugged him tight. "It'll all work out, Bell."

He pulled back, running his hands through his hair. "No, Raven, it won't! I've already lost Octavia and now I'm losing Clarke." He took a deep breath, shutting his eyes to stop tears from running down his face. "I can't lose her," he said softly. "Rory can't lose her. She needs her mother."

Raven was about to respond, but she snapped her mouth shut. Clarke, being supported by Finn, emerged from the small hut to join them. "Clarke! What are doing up? You should still be resting!"

Clarke rolled her eyes at the other woman. "I'm fine, Raven. I just needed some fresh air, and Finn was telling me about all of the building that we've been doing since settling here; thought I'd come out to see it for myself." She smiled at everyone, one that Bellamy could see right through.

He returned a weak smile of his own and held his hand out to her. "I'll show you around and then we can get something to eat with Rory, Harper, and Jasper afterwards."

She didn't take his hand. Instead, she looked at it curiously before replying, "I've already asked Finn to do that, but thanks."

As they walked away he turned to Raven with a distraught look on his face. Wordlessly, he turned to walk in the opposite direction, towards the home that he and Clarke lived in with Rory. It appeared to Bellamy that he and Rory would be sleeping without her mother for the fourth night in a row.

Clarke was oblivious to the quiet pain that Bellamy was going through. She only saw what she wanted to, and frankly, there was little she actually wanted to see. The only comfort she could find was in Finn. Despite everything that happened between them, she still could be herself - or whoever she was - around him.

"So we spent almost two years building to get the village to what it is now," he told her as they strolled down the center of the village. "Anya helped us out a lot with the-"

Clarke stopped dead in her tracks. "Anya? Like, Anya the grounder that tried to kill me on the bridge? With you right next to me?" The day that Bellamy saved my life? she added silently.

"You two are actually pretty good friends now. She was here to check on you last night but couldn't stay. She had to get back to deal with some clan territory dispute."

Clarke was shocked. What had happened between the two for them to forget about the death threats and fights of their past? "Wow," she breathed out, moving her feet in pace with Finn's once again.

They passed buildings made out of stone and others made out of wood. She could determine which one's were homes by the wood painted various shades of yellow, blue, and red. She spun in a full circle to take it all in and a robin's egg blue two story home at the far end of the village caught her attention. She would have to ask about it later. "This is amazing, Finn. I can't believe we've come so far."

He chuckled, catching her by surprise. "Most if this was thanks to you. You and Bellamy had it all planned out and everything. Most of the buildings have running water because of you and Raven designing a system to reroute water from the river into this insane pipeline underneath the ground and into the homes. It's not exactly hot water, but it's not cold either." His rambling makes her smile as she takes in the enormity of her contribution to this little village that they've built for themselves. He continues to tell her about the trades that they've established with the grounders, how they've gotten supplies from the Arkers, how they've grown larger as the teens - now adults - began to pair up and settle down, some even with grounders, and eventually have children. (He avoided mentioning how she and Bellamy were among that statistic).

"What about my mom?" she asked, looking at him with pleading eyes. Despite everything that happened between them, she didn't want to lose her mom. She couldn't be an orphan. Like Bellamy and Octavia, she thought.

She couldn't explain it, but her thoughts kept going back to Bellamy. Perhaps because a small part of her knew that he meant a lot to the Clarke that he once loved, or maybe because she could (on some level) relate to him. She thought it was the former, but she just couldn't bring herself to remember any of it. Not even her own daughter.

"Your mom comes around every other week to visit. She's been teaching you some stuff here and there, but other than that she just spends time with Rory." He looked at her with a lopsided smile. "Everyone loves her," he added.

Clarke smiled - _really_ smiled - for the first time since waking up. She could tell in the brief moments that she spent with her that Rory had everyone wrapped around her little finger. Clarke just knew that she had to have been one of those people.

As if her mind had conjured her, Rory appeared less than twenty feet in front of her, tugging a laughing Jasper behind her. Her smile grew wider. "Can you excuse me for a moment?"

Finn's eyes followed hers and brightened. "Take your time. I can give you the rest of the tour whenever you want."

Clarke nodded and walked - quite wobbly - over to her best friend and daughter. Before Jasper could realize what was happening, he was enveloped in a tight hug, Clarke squeezing him as tightly as she could without hurting her broken ribs. "Oh my God, Jas. I have missed you so much!"

Jasper took a moment before reciprocating, but hugged her warmly once he realized who it was. "Clarke! How are you feeling?" he asked when they pulled away from each other.

"I'm fine, other than, you know, the whole seven years of memory loss," she replied sarcastically. Jasper raised an eyebrow at her and she sighed. "My ribs still hurt, my head still hurts, my whole body still hurts, but I couldn't stay in that room. I need to fresh air and some sunlight."

He nodded just as Rory wrapped her arms around Clarke's leg. "Mama, do you wanna play a game with me and Uncle Jasper? We were gonna play tag with Joey and Quinn."

Clarke gave Jasper a curious look before angling his head to the right, in the direction of two other children playing. "Becca's kids. Twins."

"So? You gonna play with us?" Rory repeated, looking up at Clarke with big, hopeful brown eyes. _Bellamy's_ eyes.

Clarke gave her a sad smile, hoping to let the girl down easy. "Later, Aurora. Maybe I can come play with you after dinner." Without another word to Jasper or the little girl she walked away, back towards Finn.

Bellamy watched the interaction between Clarke and their daughter from where he leaned up against the side of the brick building that acted as Assembly Building, where he and Clarke drafted all of the plans for new additions to the village, where Clarke and Anya would meet to discuss diplomatic issues, where he Clarke would sometimes get caught up and rip each other's clothes off in the back room. But all of that was gone in the blink of an eye.

It hurt Bellamy even more to see Clarke disregard their daughter in favor of spending time with Spacewalker. He could (somewhat) handle her brushing him off, but their daughter was an entirely different situation. "I just don't know what to do anymore, Raven. It's like she doesn't even want to remember."

Raven gave his shoulder a sympathetic squeeze. "Miller should be back with Abby tomorrow evening, then maybe Abby can talk some sense into her. Plus, she's probably dealt with memory loss before and can help us with Clarke."

"If she even wants the help," Bellamy snorted, eyes trained in on the way Spacewalker's hand was placed firmly on Clarke's lower back. He would have to have a talk with him tonight about boundaries. Again. "He just doesn't know when to give up, does he?"

"Unfortunately, no," Raven replied, a hint of disgust in her tone. Raven still wasn't over what Finn had done to her and Clarke. She and Clarke, on the other hand, had become best friends once they were rescued from Mount Weather, binding over how much they felt betrayed and hurt because of Finn. "He probably thinks that because she's forgotten about you that he can just forget that she's with you, too. Seriously, what did I ever see in that guy?"

Bellamy chuckled and rolled his eyes. "Apparently the same thing that Clarke did." He thought about his words for a moment before correcting himself and saying, " _Does_."

Raven sighed loudly, catching his attention. "She'll come around, Bell. She just needs time."

He slammed his fist against the bricks. "I don't have time, Raven. I've already lost enough because of this damn situation. I'm not losing Clarke, too!" He closed his eyes, feeling wetness on the brims of his eyes. "If they hadn't been so careless, Clarke and I- Our lives would be so different. We were going to start painting once everything was settled with Anya and the other clan. She wanted to make sure she wouldn't have to leave in the middle of it."

Raven's smile fell instantly. No one had brought that up since the incident, no one dared to. But here was Bellamy, bringing it up himself. "I can't even begin to imagine what it feels like to go through that, but you need to be strong. For Clarke, for Rory, for everyone. We still need you Bellamy. We can't make this work without Clarke _and_ you."

Bellamy ran his hand down his face, wiping at the free tears. "And I can't do this without her! We've been doing this together since the very beginning. Sure, things weren't great and it took us a while to really get into a rhythm but I- I need her, Raven." He broke down, tears running freely as Raven pulled him into a tight embrace. " _I need her_ ," he repeated quietly. It wasn't the first time he cried. Actually, he had cried a lot ever since being separated from the others at the drop ship, but never in public like this. He's cried in front of Octavia, Clarke, Raven. Hell! He's even cried in front of Jasper, but never in front of everyone so openly.

"Hey, look at me," Raven said, pulling away from him. "You need to be strong. Do it for Rory. We may need a leader, but she needs a father and that comes first."

Taking one last glance at Clarke before she disappeared into the medical building with Spacewalker and then glancing over to where Rory played with the twins, he added, "She needs her mother, too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have any questions, concerns, or guesses as to what might be happening under the surface or in future chapters, please leave me a comment! I love knowing what people think is going to happen, and if I'm completely honest, sometimes I'll change my plot because of a good idea that a reader gives me. I've already changed parts of the plot that I had drawn up thanks to comments left in the previous chapter, so don't be shy! Let me know what you want to see happen/what you think will happen! It helps me stay interested in the plot (aka continue writing it) and keeps me away from writer's block. 
> 
> Thank you guys for the support I've had thus far. It's been marvelous and it really makes me love this little hobby of mine. Hope you enjoyed this chapter and for those of you who had been waiting for this update I hope it was everything you had hoped it would be! -Mack


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm one day ahead of schedule! I would've had this done and posted yesterday, but I had my ACT so I was completely zonked when I got home. Some readers left comments about how they wanted to see some Bellamy/Clarke and Rory/Clarke interaction, and this was the best I could do at this point in the work. There's also a little hidden Easter egg regarding what could've/should've happened, so maybe someone will guess it. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy this chapter!

She wasn't sure why, but Clarke's eye keep dragging back to the blue house at the edge of the village while Finn showed her around. He seemed to notice but never said anything, instead allowing her to furrow her brow and get lost in her thoughts as she stared at it. She really tried to concentrate on all of the interesting things Finn had to tell her about the village, but she just couldn't. The blue house was the only thing that occupied her mind.

Finally, Finn sighed. "You're the one who decided to paint the house blue. He wanted to paint it a light brown, but you told him that painting wood brown was boring," he told her, eyes zeroing in on the house that captured his companion's attention.

Clarke turned to look at him over her shoulder, blue eyes wide with surprise. "That's my house?" she asked him. She turned away to stare at the large, two-story home before he could respond. "It's beautiful. That- I can't believe it's mine."

"Well, believe it." Finn walked forward to stand next to her, shoulder to shoulder, and smirk at her. "You didn't even let Bellamy help with any of the floor plans. You did, however, make him do most of the building while you helped move supplies into the med bay and distribute more clothing that you had received from one of the grounder clans as a peace offering." His voice held a tone of amusement, and Clarke pictured Bellamy hauling wood from the forest to build their home while she watched from the opposite side of the village, laughter consuming her as he glared in her direction.

It was a nice image, she could admit it, but she didn't think it could ever be reality. There was still a small part of her that hoped it was all one of her drug induced dreams and that she would wake up in a few hours back in her bland white room at Mount Weather.

But she didn't.

Instead, she spent the next hour visiting people and touring homes with Finn that she had apparently helped design and build. She didn't remember any of it, but the false nostalgia was a nice feeling, no matter how fleeting. Everyone was welcoming - albeit they acted as if they were walking on eggshells around her - and glad to show her around, show her what she had accomplished in the last six years. Just as she was about to enter Paul's home - that was substantially smaller than her own since he didn't have a family - Raven pulled her away from the two men. Neither said a word to each other until Clarke realized where Raven was dragging her.

Clarke's eyes grew big and she started to resist, planting her feet in hopes of slowing them down. They didn't (Raven was much stronger than Clarke, especially in her weakened state and Raven scoffed. "What are you doing, Raven?" she asked the brown haired girl skeptically.

"I'm taking you to dinner," she replied stoically, never looking back at her.

"Dinner?"

"Yes. With Bellamy and Rory. Jasper and Harper might join us depending on how she feels, and maybe even-"

Clarke stopped, jerking Raven back with her. "I'm not going."

Raven turned to look at her with sympathetic eyes. "Clarke," she began, "you need to go back to your normal routine, and dinner at your house with your family - and on occasions, friends - was _normal_ to you four days ago. If you're worried about being around Bellamy or Rory, don't be. You'll have friends there."

Clarke looked down and nodded. Clarke didn't know what to say in response, so instead she continued walking the final thirty feet to the blue house that had captured her attention earlier. She reasoned that there was no point in avoiding it; she was going to have to confront-

What was she confronting? Her _future_?

As she stood in front of the wooden door (painted a pearly white), she blanked on what to do. _Does she knock? Just go in?_ Before she could even decide what to do, the door swung open. Bellamy stood on the other side, staring at her, watching to see what she would so next. Just like everyone else.

"Hey," she said sheepishly. She tried to keep her eyes focused on the room behind him, but his deep brown eyes - sad eyes, she thought - kept drawing her in.

Bellamy opened his mouth to greet her, but before he could say anything, a blur a brown and pink flew past him and latched onto Clarke. "Mama!" Rory exclaimed, smiling up at her mother. "Are you coming to help me and Daddy make supper? Uncle Jasper's coming over tonight, but I don't think Aunt Harper is coming with him. And oh!" Rory glanced around Clarke's leg and gave Raven a big smile. "You brought Aunt Raven with you!" Rory released her hold on Clarke to run into Raven's arms. She gladly picked up the child and spun her in a circle, making her giggle and beg for Raven to go around again.

"So," Bellamy began, capturing Clarke's full attention, "Raven drag you away from the boyfriend?" His words came out laced in sarcasm, a frown on his face. When Clarke grimaced, he shook his head, taking back his words. "Princess, I'm sorry. I just- This is hard for me."

Clarke clamped her eyes shut and shook her head. "It's hard for me, too," she whispered lowly. She moved around him into the house that she called hers just over seventy-two hours ago.

When she entered the house, she instantly could feel the warmth and comfort that it emitted. What she assumed was the living room was painted a soft beige and had burgundy furniture scattered about the room. It even had a chess table in the far corner. She walked towards the back of the house to a room that looked quite modern despite their circumstances (but really, it had been nearly seven years; maybe they had made that much progress in their daily living), with its large bay window and new looking refrigerator.

She made a mental note to ask Raven or Finn about their modern appliances sometime later.

"You know, you designed this place all on your own," he said from behind her. Clarke turned her body to face him, looking at him with curious eyes. "You made a hell of an effort to get me to agree to that damned bay window."

She tilted her head to the side, even more intrigued. "And how exactly did I convince you?"

He smirked at her. "Sure you wanna know, Princess?" he teased. Clarke blushed a bright red, face heating as she tried to avoid his playful gaze. He chuckled. "You told me a story of how you wanted your children to enjoy nature even while indoors."

"How long were we together?" Bellamy flinched at her use of the past tense. If only she could see how much her words were slowly killing him on the inside, breaking his heart until there was nothing left to break.

He leaned up against the wooden counter and stared at his feet, arms crossed over his chest. "Officially? About five years. Unofficially? Just over six."

Clarke nodded. She was about to add to the subject when Rory came bouncing into the kitchen, Raven chasing after her. Raven paused her chase and looked between the two. "I can go take her to play in her room if you two need to talk," she offered.

Clarke had more questions, but now wasn't the time to ask them. She didn't think she was ready to hear the answers. "No. That's alright. Beside, I'm sure we're all starving. We should really get to work on dinner." Raven and Bellamy shared a look. They both knew she was avoiding the topic when she turned around to search through some of the cupboards. "It would help if I actually knew where things were," she said, most likely meaning for only her to hear.

Bellamy moved forward, reaching around her. When his front pressed into her backside she froze. He could sense her tense under his touch, so he quickly grabbed plates from the cupboard to her right and set them down in front of her. He stepped away, hoping she would stop holding her breath and _just breathe_. "Why don't you go sit down and I'll get everything ready," he suggested. "I'll have everything ready faster if I do it by myself."

She knew he hadn't meant to offend her with his words, but she couldn't help but feel the sting. She _wanted_ to help, even if she couldn't remember where the plates were in her own damn house. "Sure. Okay."

After Clarke had left the room and Rory followed her out, Raven remained, leaning against the doorframe. "You know, she feels pretty bad already and it doesn't help that you make her feel useless, too." She turned and left the kitchen before he could even make an excuse for the way he behaved towards Clarke after their encounter only moments ago.

Clarke was in the living room, sitting on the couch while Rory played with a doll on the floor. Her eyes were glued to the chess set when Raven sat next to her. She wouldn't have noticed if it hadn't been for the couch cushions sinking slightly under Raven's added weight.

"He cares for you," she stated, never looking directly at Clarke but instead watching Rory with a hopeful look on her face.

Clarke avoided the conversation, like she had with everyone else earlier who tried to bring up hers and Bellamy's relationship. "You want children, don't you?"

Raven gave Clarke a sad, weak smile. "I did at one point in my life, but I think I'm happy with just being Aunt Raven for now. I'm only twenty-four. I have plenty of time to have a family and be a mom."

Twenty-four. That would make Clarke nearly twenty-five. That was the most shocking realization she had had yet. She woke up seventeen again, and now she was twenty-four. This can't be happening, she thought to herself.

"Plus, you kind of need a man to have a child. It's not like in our history books from the Ark where women used to adopt or go to a sperm bank. You need to actually have," she paused and looked at Rory, "S-E-X in order to have a child."

Clarke's eyes went wide as Raven spelled out the word sex for her. She almost forgot that Rory was a child, and in Clarke's experience, children were curious, and Rory would be bound to ask what sex was, a conversation Clarke was not ready to have with her daughter. Even if she was only four and likely to forget all about it. She was not going to go there.

Oh my God, she thought. That means that she actually had sex _with Bellamy_.

Raven scoffed. "Of course, you did. I walked in on you two several times. I will never unsee some things, Clarke. Never!"

Clarke furrowed her brow and frowned. "I said that out loud, didn't I?"

Raven laughed and nodded. It was easy to fall into a rhythm with Raven. Clearly the two had become good friends in the past seven years, and Clarke was glad for it. "You started doing that a lot once you got pregnant. Saying your thoughts out loud, that is," she informed her.

_ Oh God _ __ , she thought; she made sure she didn't say that out loud that time.

Raven continued. "You were going through a lot when you were pregnant, so you were always thinking about something or another. I just happened to be around a lot when you slipped up."

Clarke frowned. She wished she could remember bonding with Raven and becoming good friends with her, but every time she tried to her head started to pound mercilessly. Before Clarke could think about her failure to remember any further, a soft knock on the door captured her attention instead.

Rory was first to the door, throwing it open before throwing _herself_ onto Jasper. "Uncle Jasper!" she shouted, making him laugh. He reached down up grabbed hold of her waist, lifting her up and carrying her back into the house as she hung upside down in a fit of giggles.

"Three of my favorite girls!" he greeted, hugging Raven and then Clarke. He threw in a small smile for her benefit.

Raven laughed at Jasper and Rory's playful attitudes. "What's Harper going to think of that?" she teased questioningly.

"I never said how many favorite girls I have," he countered, smirking. He nodded in the direction of the kitchen after sniffing the air. "It smells great. Think he cooked some of that rice that the grounders gave us a few weeks ago?"

Raven shrugged while Clarke stood motionless. "Probably. Not really sure though. I know he was planning on making chicken."

As if right on cue, Bellamy peaked out from the kitchen. "Dinner's ready," he announced before disappearing into the kitchen once more. Not knowing her way around the house (anymore), Clarke followed Rory into the kitchen and through a set of large doors, into the dining room. It was much more elaborate than the table and chairs they had in camp those first few months. That she was sure of. The table was a large rectangle, with six place settings around it. Not even dining room tables on the Ark had been that big.

Clarke was the last standing, leaving only a chair between Bellamy and Raven or a chair at the opposite end of the table as her only options. She sighed and took the chair next to Raven.

Dinner started with very little conversation, most of it on Jasper and Rory's parts; Raven made a comment every now and then, but Bellamy and Clarke sat mostly in silence. She could feel his eyes on her, and finally she'd had enough. "What?" she hissed under her breath just as Rory started to tell Raven about her day with Jasper and Harper.

Bellamy blinked and shook his head, averting his eyes. "Nothing."

"It's not nothing, Bellamy. What?" she repeated, wanting him to give her a straight answer.

Bellamy's lips tightened into a hard line, a crease appearing on his forehead as his brows furrowed. "It's just nice to have-" he broke off, trying to choose his words carefully. "It's nice having you here again. It's been really lonely lately. Too quiet."

Clarke's eyes softened. She felt bad for him but just couldn't bring herself to feel anything else. Clarke opened her mouth but quickly shut it. She didn't know what to say. _Sorry?_ That wouldn't help their situation at all.

"Mama, I'm done. Can I go play until bedtime?" Rory asked. Her interruption saved Clarke from an awkward conversation that was sure to follow had Bellamy and Clarke been given the chance to continue their conversation.

Clarke looked over at Bellamy with pleading eyes silently asking for help. His small, barely noticeable nod was all the answer she needed. Clarke smiled at the tiny dark-haired girl.  "Yeah. Maybe Jasper can go play with you while we clean up," she suggested. Evidently, Rory was pleased to her that her Uncle Jasper could play with her for a few minutes before her parents tucked her into bed. She grabbed Jasper by the hand and tugged him out of the room, jabbering about her dolls.

Raven laughed. "Your daughter is something else," she told Bellamy and Clarke. She looked between the two and the corners of her mouth turned upwards slightly. "Bell, why don't you give Clarke a tour of the house while I clean up." Both opened their mouths to object, but Raven cut them off. "No! I mooch off of the two of you for dinner way too much. I'm cleaning up. _Without_ your help."

Bellamy shared a look with Clarke that told her they didn't have an option. What Raven wanted, Raven got. He stood from his seat and waited for Clarke to do the same. Raven stood also, cocking her hip and placing her hands firmly upon them. She stood, glaring at them, like that until Bellamy led Clarke out of the kitchen and into the living area.

"You painted most of the rooms in her yourself; found some plants and berries - even a few flowers - that could be crushed and made into pastes. That was almost four years ago. You got bored really easily when you were pregnant." He rambled on about her discovery of the paste that they turned into a mass production of pants for everyone's houses as he lead her down a hall and up creaky wooden stairs.

As they reached the second floor landing, her head began to throb. Bellamy, whose back was still to her, didn't even notice as her pace slowed. "Our bathroom is on the first floor, since we haven't exactly figured out how to pump the water upwards through the pipes yet. Raven's working on it though." He paused outside of a closed door, glancing at it with a sad expression on his face. He moved on without a word about that room. He turned right, just beyond the closed door, into what she soon realized was their room. It was painted a soft blue, so light it was almost an off-white shade. The furniture had been made out of dark wood and the bed looked so inviting to her fatigued body, but she just couldn't move towards it. She felt as though she were invading someone else's private space. "Again, you decided to paint the room blue. I wanted a dark red, but you thought that we needed a happy color in here after everything we'd-"

His abrupt halt of words caused Clarke to stare at him. Her eyes held concern, curiosity, and confusion. "After what?"

He shook his head and turned to exit. "Nothing. Let's go to Rory's room and get her ready for bed."

She wanted to press the subject, but she didn't want to overstep her boundaries. Sure, it was her past, but Bellamy must've thought she was better finding out whatever it was that he was hiding on her own.

The walked almost directly across the hall into a small, purple room. Rory sat on the floor with Jasper, playing with a ragdoll; it looked like a young grounder girl, most likely a gift from the people themselves. Clarke tried to ignore the increased pounding in her head and instead focus on the people around her. "Time to say goodbye to Uncle Jasper. You need to get to bed, Rory."

She looked up at her father and nodded. Then her eyes shifted to Clarke in a way that almost made her uncomfortable. "Is Mama gonna stay tonight?"

Clarke opened her mouth and snapped it shut soon after, not letting any words unintentionally escape. What was she supposed to say? _No, because Mommy doesn't remember loving Daddy or having you_. That wasn't gonna happen. Thankfully, Bellamy spoke before she could. "I think your mom is going to stay with Aunt Raven tonight," he told his daughter, making her frown deeply. Bellamy turned to her, eyebrow raised. "Unless your mom wants to stay?"

Clarke looked down at her feet. "I think I'll stay with Raven, if that's alright."

"And I think that's my cue to leave," Jasper stated, standing up from the ground and brushing his pants off. He smiled at the two adults in the room and nodded. "Thanks for dinner. I'll see you in the morning, Bellamy." And with that he left, leaving the small family standing in the purple room with an awkward silence hanging over them.

Rory was the first to speak, as Clarke had expected. "Do you still love each other?"

Bellamy and Clarke's eyes met, a mixture of emotion held in both pairs of eyes. "I'll always love your mom," he whispered.

Clarke looked at him, wide-eyed. She made the mistake of turning to look down at Rory's expectant face. What was she supposed to say? "And I-"

The pounding in her head magnified times ten. Her vision became cloudy and the palms of her hands pressed into her temples. "Clarke? Clarke, what's wrong?" she hardly heard Bellamy ask her. "Raven!" She shut her eyes tight, an image forming in her mind.

_ Her back was pressed against the white wall, feeling comfort for the first time all day. Her hand stroked over the small bump as she looked up at Bellamy. "I'm scared, Bell. After Octavia- I just don't think I can do it." _

_ Bellamy sat down on the floor in front of her and placed his hands over hers. He knew how scared she was, but he never voiced his own fears. It was like he was completely blocking that part of the past from his thoughts. "I know, and we'll figure something out when the time comes. Until then, we at least need to be prepared. Starting with what color we're going to paint the room." Bellamy smirked at her and repeated his previous suggestion. "I think it should be painted green." _ __

_ Clarke chuckled, wiping away a stray tear that she didn't realize had escaped her eyes. "I already told you, it's a girl." Her hand made circles over her stomach. In less than five months, she would be here. "Purple. Let's paint the room purple." _

_ "The baby's a boy, Princess. I just know it." _

_ She smirked at him. "You're wrong." _

_ "If we pant it purple and it's a boy, you have to make dinner for the rest of the year," he bargained. Clarke smiled faintly as dark thoughts clouded her mind. _

_ "If I'm still around, then it's a deal. But if I'm right I want a foot rub every night before bed." She pondered for a moment before adding, "Maybe even an occasional back rub." _

_ "Deal," he said, extending his hand to her. _

_ She took it in her hand gladly, telling him, "I could really use a foot rub right now, actually." _

_ He raised an eyebrow at her when she her lower lip jutted out in a pout and her eyes grew larger, rounder. He sighed and took hold of one of her feet in his hands, pressing into it firmly, earning a soft moan from her. "Just because you're pregnant." He grinned smugly at her. "That, and I like to make you moan." _

"Clarke! Come on, Princess. Don't do this to me again," she heard Bellamy plead with her as she started coming to once more. Bellamy's breath hitched as Clarke groaned and he called out to Raven. "She's waking up!"

When Clarke sat up and opened her eyes, Raven was sitting on the bed with her. "What the fuck, Clarke? You can't just black out on us! We thought you were relapsing or something!"

Clarke shook her head, glancing over Raven's shoulder at Bellamy. "No, not relapsing. Remembering."

Bellamy appeared within a second at Clarke's side. His expression was a hopeful one as his eyes took in her face, trying to see any emotions that crossed her face. "What did you remember? What was it, Clarke?"

Her gaze latched onto his as she whispered a single word. "Painting."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully I'll have an update ready by next week Monday, possibly sooner. It all depends on how much school work I have (it shouldn't be much though since I only have four classes this semester (senior perks)) and how inspired I'm feeling. 
> 
> Feel free to leave a comment with suggestions, criticism, etc. Also, if you see any mistakes please let me know! I don't always see the errors when I'm in a hurry to get a chapter posted. The feedback gives me ideas to incorporate into the plot so, in turn, it helps me crank out an update faster. Just a little incentive. 
> 
> Thanks for reading and sticking with me so far. Hopefully you guys'll stick with me until the end, whenever that may be.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, I made my deadline but just barely. I literally don't know what happened to this, considering I wrote a majority of it over the past 48 hours, but I hope you enjoy!

Why was Bellamy looking at her as if she might break down? Why was Raven looking at her with her big brown eyes full of sympathy? All she remembered was deciding what color to paint Rory's room. It's not like she remembered anything particularly sad. Sure, remembering how she and Bellamy used to tease each other so- so _intimately_ had been weird, to say the least. But she wasn't going to cry about it.

"Is something wrong?" she asked, confusion masking her face.

Bellamy's mouth started to move but no words came out. Finally, he shook his head and gained his composure when Clarke raised a brow at him. "You remember painting?"

Clarke shrugged. "We were deciding what color to paint the room. Is there something I'm missing?" Raven and Bellamy shared a look, annoying Clarke a little bit. "Secrets don't make friends." She crossed her arms and glared at them. There were enough secrets already. They used the excuse _'Because we don't want to force any memories on you'_ way to often for her liking.

Raven stood up. "I'm going to go check on Rory. That way you two can talk about what you remembered." She gave Clarke a small smile and turned to exit the room, leaving only Clarke and Bellamy in silence.

Bellamy was first to speak. "Before I say anything that I'll regret, tell me _exactly_ what you remembered. Every little detail." When Clarke raised a brow at him, he added, "Please." Bellamy smiled to himself. Even if Clarke couldn't remember much about their past together, at least she still had some of her old habits, including making him say please and thank you more often.

Clarke cleared her throat when she noticed Bellamy's attention elsewhere. "We were sitting down in Rory's room, discussing what color to paint the room." She paused and smiled at the ground. "You were determined that the baby was gonna be a boy. Well, hate to break it to you, Bell. You were wrong," she teased him with a smirk.

Bellamy laughed, the tension in his neck and shoulders instantly slipping away. "If I can recall correctly, I was running your feet for over a year because you were right." Bellamy didn't miss the twinkling in Clarke's eyes. He continued, "I think it was because you had it all planned out. You never told me, so I can't be positive, but I think you wanted it to be a girl more than you _knew_ it was a girl."

"She's named after your mother," Clarke stated.

Bellamy nodded. "I wish you never remember this, but I was late to Rory's birth by about three hours. You named her after the only two women that I really ever cared about until somehow you ended up being someone that cared for so much that it scared me." He watched her closely at his admission, but her eyes remained as expressionless as they had been when their conversation began, save for the few smiles she allowed him.

"We need our daughter after Octavia?"

Bellamy nodded, keeping his smile to himself. Hearing her say _'our daughter'_ was like a breath of fresh air to him. It was something small and big all at the same time. "Aurora Octavia Blake. Seeing our daughter for the very first time in your arms- You told me her name and- It was the first time in a long time that I had been truly happy, Clarke."

She chuckled. "How ticked was I that you missed her birth?"

His laughter joined hers in the small bedroom. "You were so pissed off, Princess. You wouldn't let me hold her for three hours. You made me sit in the corner of the room and just watch as you held her." He smiled at the memory, wishing Clarke could join him in reminiscing. "But you wouldn't let anyone else hold her until I did. That's when I realized that you were it. I was finally settling down with the girl of my dreams - and occasionally my nightmares when you're pissed at me - and our little girl."

Clarke's smile was small but meaningful. He understood her gesture immediately when she took his hand in her smaller one. "Thank you for being patient, Bellamy." She looked down at their linked hands, trying to figure out what to say next. "I'm trying-"

"Bellamy," Raven called from the other side of the door. "Can I come in?"

Bellamy sighed, glancing at Clarke with disappointed eyes. They were finally making some sort of progress. Raven had the worst timing ever, he thought. "Yeah, come on."

Raven opened the door, but instead of stepping into the room, she stepped back to allow the woman behind her in.

Abby Griffin didn't come to the village as often as she used to, but the minute Miller had shown up at her door saying her only daughter - her _only child_ \- had been in an accident and would need her help, she grabbed her things and pulled Miller the entire way to be at her daughter's side. "Clarke," she croaked out, rushing to her side. Abby didn't hesitate to pull Clarke into her arms and squeezing her tightly.

"Mom!" Clarke wrapped her arms around her mother and returned the hug, ignoring the stabbing pain in her ribs. "I've missed you so much." She was crying and there was no way to stop it. Sure, she and her mom had their tearful reunion years ago, but only Abby could remember it. Clarke could have her moment. Bellamy stood behind the two women, smiling, still clutching Clarke's hand. He gave it a squeeze before letting go and walking out of the room.

Abby placed a kiss on her daughter’s cheek as the door shut. "I came as soon as I heard. When did you wake up?" she asked.

Clarke shrugged. "Sometime late this morning. They told me I had been out for three days." And that I'm in a relationship with Bellamy and that we have a daughter, she added in her head.

Abby gave her a withering look as her gaze trailed from Clarke's eyes to her abdomen. "Did they tell you anything else?" she asked in a taut voice.

Clarke furrowed her brows. "No," she drawled out, suspicious of her mother's sudden change in demeanor. "They told me they weren't going to force my memories in me. That I would remember when I was ready."

Abby nodded. "That's good. I hope, for your sake, that you don't remember some things. You've been through enough in the past few years. You don't deserve to go through it all over again."

Clarke's brows furrowed even further as she started to get frustrated with everyone talking around what was really on their mind when they were around her. Especially her own mother! "You should get some sleep," Abby told her, gently pushing her to a lying position. "Do you want me to send Bellamy back in before he leaves?"

She was confused but nodded anyway. "Leave? Why would he leave?"

Abby smile tight-lipped at her. "I'll go grab him for you." She exited the room without answering Clarke's question.

She didn't even wait a minute before Bellamy peeked his head into the room. "Your mom said you wanted to see me." He stepped into the room and slowly shut the door behind him. He glanced wearily at Clarke before crossing the room and sitting on the bed next to her. "And I wanted to make sure you were okay before I headed back to the house and relieve Jasper from babysitting duty," he admitted as his hand ghosted lightly over hers.

"Where am I?" she asked, and upon seeing Bellamy's frown, she added, "I mean, if I'm not at the house?"

Bellamy nodded in understanding. "We moved you to Raven's. Rory saw you go down and freaked out. I don't blame her, I sort of did, too." He paused to look up at the blonde in front of him. "We didn't want you to wake up and have Rory hovering over you. I thought you'd want some space."

Clarke smiled at him with closed lips. Her hand caught his just as it trailed over hers for a second time before reversing its trail back up her arm. She gave his hand a squeeze. "Thank you," she said sleepily. "Tell Rory-" she yawned "-that I'm fine and that I'll see her tomorrow."

Bellamy smiled. She was making progress. Maybe it wasn't through her memories returning, but he was going to take what he could get. "Do you want me to bring Rory over here or-"

"No, I'll come to the house. Normal routine, remember?" Clarke smiled widely at him, even laughing a bit when he smiled back cheekily. "Plus, my mom's here now and I think spending time with family is what I need."

Bellamy nodded. "I just don't want you to do anything that makes you uncomfortable. You go at whatever pace you want to through this."

"What I want is to _remember_ , Bellamy. I want for everything to go back to normal, whatever that was a week ago," she cried out, face contorting into a pained expression.

Bellamy shook his head, seemingly sad all of a sudden. "Things can't go back to how they were a week ago, Clarke."

She was confused. Didn't he want them to be a family again? "Why can't they? I thought that's what you wanted?"

"I want you, Clarke, but we lost too much in the accident. Things won't be _normal_. There is no normal after what we've lost." He placed a soft kiss to her temple after brushing a few stray hairs out of her face and stood up to leave. "I'll stop by tomorrow morning to see how you're doing, maybe bring Rory with."

She nodded in agreement. "That sounds nice. Goodnight, Bellamy."

He stopped at the door, pulling it open before responding, "Sleep well, Princess." He turned out the light before shutting the door behind him, leaving Clarke in the darkness to deal with her own thoughts before sleep claimed her.

She didn't even dream that night. It was just pure darkness until she opened her eyes the following morning and was greeted by the bright sunshine that was pouring into the room from the single window on the opposite side of the room. Clarke took her time getting up, thoroughly stretching before removing the thin blanket from over her and getting out of the bed. She fixed her shirt - it must have rode up in sleep, considering the hem was just below the swell of her chest exposing her stomach - and quickly pulled her hair into a messy braid.

When she emerged from the extra bedroom in Raven's house, she was greeted by Raven at the dining table, drinking a mug of something steaming with a large smile plastered on her face. "What are you so happy about?" Clarke asked as she approached the table.

Raven jumped, shocked to see Clarke awake already. "Oh my God, Clarke. You scared me." She had a hand on her heart, the other clutching her mug tight as she looked up at the blonde in front of her.

"So, Raven. What was that smile about? Clearly, you had a good night," Clarke teased the brunette across from her. Raven flipped her off, making her to burst into laughter. It didn't take long until Raven joined in.

"This is just a _really_ good cup of coffee," she finally replied once her laughter had receded. "What are your plans for the day?"

Clarke knew she was trying to change the subject, and this time she would let her. Next time, though, she would find out what - or who - was making Raven so happy. "I think I'll spend some time with my mom, and then I'm heading over to the house to see Rory and Bellamy. What about you?"

Raven scrunched up her nose in disgust. "I have to work on some of the pipes by the river. Jasper said there's been muddy water lately, so it's up to me to fix it."

Clarke nodded, sympathizing with Raven. Poor girl had to work while she spent time with her family. "If you have time, stop by the house for lunch. I'm sure Bellamy won't mind that I invited you to join us."

Raven smiled, standing up and pushing her chair in. "I will definitely consider it. I'm not making any promises though."

"Don't worry about it. I'm gonna head out." Raven remained silent, eyebrow raised as Clarke opened the front door and walked out, closing the door behind her. Raven counted to three before Clarke opened the door and walked back in. "Where exactly can I find my mother?"

Raven smiled at her friend. "Hut that we had you in when you woke up. I don't know why, but your mom refuses to stay anywhere else when she visits; says it reminds her of her hut in her village."

"Thanks, Raven." Clarke left the house for the second time in the last three minutes, actually having a destination this time. She walked through the village towards the only stone home remaining; everyone had chosen to upgrade to the larger, warmer wood homes years ago when they finally figured out how to build them successfully, or so Finn had told her yesterday. She walked straight up to the hut, intent on walking right in, but her mother was opening the door just as she reached to grab the handle.

"Clarke? You're up early," she said cheerily, latching onto Clarke's arm to lead her through town and down the path towards the river. "Let's go for a walk and then we'll talk about some things."

Clarke nodded. "That sounds really nice right now."  She could enjoy the fresh air and spend time with her mother. Maybe, if she was lucky, her mom could help her piece together one or two more memories that she had lost after the incident.

When they reached the river back, Abby sat on a rock, feet curled under her. Clarke sat next to her, but her feet dangled in the water below them, just barely breaking the surface. "What's the plan, Mom? Any medical techniques you're gonna try? Or-?"

"I'm not here as a doctor, Clarke; I'm here as your mother. At least for now anyway. I want to make sure you're okay before we start with the psych evaluation."

Clarke smiled warmly at her mom. "How were things when we first found each other again? Please tell me I wasn't a complete bitch to you," she pleaded with desperate eyes. Sure, she held a lot of hatred for her mother briefly after she found out that she caused her father to be floated on the Ark, but time healed old wounds and soon after she was captured by the Mountain Men, she was begging for her mother's tender embrace once more.

Abby sighed. Clarke frowned. "It was hard for both of us at first, but eventually we made it work. Bellamy talked to you on my behalf and the next morning we reconciled."

Clarke faced Abby, eyebrows scrunched in confusion. "Do you know what he said to me?"

Abby shook her head and looked at the water rushing beneath them, flowing deeper into the woods. "No, but whatever it was- I'm grateful to him for getting me my daughter back, in more ways than one."

Clarke nodded slowly in understanding. "How long do you think it'll be before I remember everything?"

"Everything? That's very unlikely, Clarke."

She sighed. "I know, but I need to try. I feel like I owe it to Bellamy and Rory to remember. It's not as simple as starting over. Maybe a few years ago, but I have a family that I don't remember, Mom. They don't deserve that."

Abby pulled her daughter to her, tucking her head under her chin. "Neither do you, Clarke. But the brain- it's so hard to determine anything without the technology we had on the Ark. What I was able to salvage is nowhere near the equipment I would need to help you to remember everything. The best I can do is be supportive and respect the choices that you make from here on out. I'm your mother first and then a doctor. Remember that." Abby placed a kiss on Clarke's forehead for reassurance.

She stood up and held her hand out to Clarke. "Let's get back. Rory told me that she was making lunch for us today."

"Rory? Making lunch? She's four!" Clarke exclaimed in disbelief.

Abby laughed. "Obviously Bellamy's the one making lunch. She just likes to say that she made it when she brings your plate to you."

Clarke formed an image in her mind and threw her head back, laughing. "She's so-"

"Amazing? Yeah, when you're a mother your perspective of things really change," Abby finished for her. Clarke wasn't going to say amazing, exactly, but upon thinking about it she realized that it fit perfectly.

The two women walked in silence as they entered the village. Clarke observed in awe at the progress that they truly had made. Yesterday, Clarke had only paid attention to the progress in living situations, more precisely their homes. But now, as she walked through the village with her mother, she noticed the children that ran in between houses and up and down the paths leading in and out of the village; she noticed the increased population, some older men and women from the Ark and some younger men and women from the Grounders' clans; she noticed the animals that played with the children or lounged in the sun. It was absolutely marvelous and she loved it. She was proud that she had a hand in developing such a thriving civilization.

"Mama!" Clarke hardly had any time to react before Rory was jumping into her arms. "Are you hungry, Mama? Daddy- I mean, I'm making lunch for you and grandma."

Clarke giggled, hauling Rory up onto her hip. "Starving, sweetheart. What's on the menu for today?"

"It's just sandwiches. Daddy says sandwiches are good for me but they're too dry," she told Clarke, sticking out her tongue at the mention of sandwiches.

Clarke gave Rory a smile. "Well if you're the one making them I bet they're delicious." Clarke wasn't watching were she was going, instead focusing on Rory's big brown eyes, a replica of Bellamy's. She didn't look up until hands found her shoulders and stopped her dead in her tracks.

"Whoa, look at you. Wrapped around her finger again. That didn't take long at all," he teased, brown eyes sparkling and crinkling as he smiled. He started to lean in but thought better of it. "How was your morning?"

"It was good. We spent some time walking and sitting down by the river," Clarke answered. She followed Bellamy into their house as Abby trailed closely behind. Rory was giggling at a face she made, and Clarke smiled. Family felt _so good_.

"You should go change, Clarke," Bellamy said, taking Rory from her. "You've been in the same clothes since we got you all washed up a few days ago."

She suddenly felt grimy. "Yeah, that sounds like a good idea. Upstairs to the right?" Bellamy nodded his response.

She walked forward to the stairs instead of following the three of them into the kitchen. She took her time once she reached the bedroom, slowly peeling off her clothes. She changed her underwear and bra to a clean set, pulled on shorts and a tank top, and tied her hair up in a loose ponytail. She would need a shower later, but for now a clean change of clothes was sufficient.

She had meant to walk straight down the stairs to join her family in the kitchen for lunch, but when her eye caught sight of the closed, white door at the end of the hallway, her curiosity got the best of her. She approached it slowly, holding her breath until she reached. With her hand on the handle, pushing the door open. It creaked so loudly she didn't hear Bellamy coming up the stairs behind her.

"Clarke? What are you doing?"

She didn't answer. What she saw before he shocked her beyond words. She closed her eyes, shutting it all away. Clarke turned to Bellamy, hoping words would find her once more. Tears started to form in her eyes when she looked at Bellamy and his heartbroken expression, matching her own. "Why is _this_ here, Bellamy?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't forget: feedback, feedback, feedback. It's basically what I live for now. That and it really helps give me some ideas for the future chapters. For example, I changed something very pivotal to the plot within this chapter alone because of a comment that someone left on the last chapter, so your opinion matters! Don't be a ghost, leave a comment, even if it's just to point out a mistake. As I stated above, I posted this at the very last minute of my personal deadline, so I didn't get a chance to edit. Let me know if you find any mistakes so I can fix them right away, and I hope you guys are happy with me thus far. And for those of you anxious for Clarke to get her memories back, just hold on, were almost to a very big memory sequence, I promise.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I'm three days early with this update. I don't know how, but I am. Maybe it's because I just finished reading The 100 and had some more inspiration. Either way, I hope you guys enjoy. This chapter gets particularly angsty, but angst is good sometimes. Right?

She walked into the room and dragged her hand along the smooth wooden surface of the furniture. It was hard to take it all in. Her breath hitched as she looked at the small pile of clothes in a wooden rocking chair in the corner of the room.

She choked back a sob. "Am I pregnant, Bellamy?" she asked, spinning on her heels to face the man leaning against the door frame. He remained silent, gaze trained on his feet. "Am I pregnant?" she repeated, louder and more direct.

He shook his head, looking up to me her eyes. His sad eyes told her everything. "No," she muttered quietly before repeating herself over and over, growing louder ever time. Her knees were buckling and she was in a crumpled mess on the floor before she could even realize it. "I lost it, didn't I?"

Bellamy approached slowly, kneeling down and pull her into him. "The blast- It-" He paused, trying to find the right words. Seeing her break down like this was making the entire situation even harder for him. He sighed. "Yes."

She collapsed into him further and sobbed into his shirt. "I'm so sorry, Bellamy. I- I lost our baby."

He started to rub soothing circles on her back, tears threatening to fall from his eyes. He shushed her. "There's nothing we can do to fix it now. We just- We need to be strong for Rory. I need to be strong for you."

She pulled back to look him directly in the eye. "We lost a baby, Bellamy." She was amazed that he was holding himself together so well. "We lost a baby because of my carelessness. It's my fault."

He put his hands on her cheeks, making sure she didn't look away. "None of this is your fault, Clarke. It was an accident. Yes, it led to you losing a baby, but it still wasn't your fault."

She nodded, choking back a sob. "Tell me about it."

He sighed louder this time. He sat back against the now closed door and looked at Clarke. "We'd only known for a few weeks. We thought it was the flu at first until Raven finally pointed out that you were picking up your old habits."

"Like speaking what I'm thinking all the time?" Clarke asked, remembering something that Raven mentioned the day before.

"Yeah, that was one of my favorite quirks of yours - especially in bed," he teased.

"Bellamy! Back on topic!" She blushed at the images his comment had conjured in her mind.

He laughed, gaze turned up towards the ceiling before getting serious once more. "You were almost at four months, probably just a few days shy of it. We never really planned on having any more children, but we kept all of Rory's old stuff just in case- well, you know, safe sex isn't exactly a big thing down here."

Bellamy looked at her, smirking again. Clarke could feel her face on fire. "You had arranged to go with Anya to some of the outlying clans over a few weeks, and we were going to paint the room when you got back, but-"

"But that's not happening anymore," Clarke finished for him. At this moment, she was glad she couldn't remember much about the past seven years. If she had, she would've broken down then and there, and she wasn't sure if she would have been able to bounce back after a revelation like that. She smiled weakly when Bellamy wiped away tears she didn't know were running down her face. "Maybe someday."

Bellamy returned her smile. "Someday," he repeated. He stood up and held a hand out to Clarke. "We should go back downstairs before Rory gets curious. She didn't know about the baby and we should keep that way so she's not asking questions."

"You go ahead. I'm just gonna wait until my face isn't puffy anymore." Bellamy nodded, and by the look on his face, he knew she was lying. With on last, longing glance back at her, he opened the white door and exited, leaving her alone with only her thoughts.

She picked through the pile of clothes, admiring each piece. She looked over the crib, imagining her baby sleeping peacefully in it as she watched over him (or her). She sat down in the chair, feeling overwhelmed by the sudden emotions that were overcoming her.

And then there was the constant pounding in her head.

She could feel it almost every hour of the day, even in her sleep, but she knew what was about to happen. She closed her eyes and willed herself to stay conscious.

_ She sat in their bedroom, feet dangling over the edge as she stared at the wall. She knew that it was going to happen sooner or later, but she didn't think it would only be a year after the last time. _

_ She still hated herself for what she did last time. She was sure that Bellamy still hated her, too. But it was her only choice. Women were dying, and she had to think about Rory. Clarke promised herself that she would see Rory grow up when she did the impossible, survived. She couldn't be one of those women. Clarke couldn't have that baby. _

_ But this time, Clarke couldn't bring herself to do it. She could hardly do it the first time. It only made matters worse that Bellamy didn't speak to her for two weeks after he found out. He even refused to stay at the house. He would wait until Rory was sleeping and slip out the front door to stay at Miller's. He wouldn't even look at her without giving her a look that made her wish she had the courage to choose differently. _

_ "Clarke? Are you up here?" she heard him call from the hallway. She remained silent. "Clarke?" he called once more, this time pushing their bedroom door open. "What are you doing up here? Rory says she won't eat her cake without you." _

_ "I'm pregnant," she muttered under her breath, tears starting to form in her eyes as the words coming from her own mouth made it even more real. _

_ He squinted at her, coming closer. "What?" _

_ "I said," she said a little louder than before, "that I'm pregnant, Bellamy." _

_ He was in front of her, holding her tight, within the blink of an eye. "When? How far along? How do you know?" _

_ She glanced up at him under thick lashes, worry clear in her normally bright eyes. "I've known for a while now, but I drank the tea this morning and threw up." _

_ Bellamy closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "The tea isn't one hundred percent, Clarke. There's a chance that maybe you just aren't feeling well. Why don't you try to sleep it off?" He started to slowly push her back onto the bed, but she resisted. _

_ "I can't 'sleep off' a pregnancy, Bellamy. And I was the one that developed the tea with Monty three years ago anyway. It's one hundred percent effective." Clarke grimaced at him, making it clear that there was no way to console her. _

_ She was pregnant, and in a less than six months, she would have another child to look after. _

_ If someone has asked Clarke years ago if she wanted children, she would have said yes in a heartbeat. But now, even after already successfully giving birth to her daughter, the thought of pregnancy scared her. Especially after everything she's witnessed half a decade ago. _

_ "Clarke," Bellamy snapped her out of her reverie, "what do you want to do about it?" _

_ Clarke snorted and rolled her eyes. "As if I have a choice, Bellamy. You ignored me for weeks last time I made a decision for myself, one that I thought was best for my own wellbeing, one that would keep me around to watch my daughter grow up." She lowered her voice once she realized she was shouting. She avoided his gaze when she added, "Plus, I can't go through with that again. The guilt nearly killed me last time. I could hardly live with myself after what I did, and it didn't help that you hated me, too." _

_ Bellamy's eyes softened and he sat next to her. He pulled her into his side and whispered into her hair. "Princess, you know that I want a big family. You know that I've been trying...to fill that void in my life, and just finding out that you- It hurt like hell, Clarke. You didn't even tell me about it. I had to find out from Monty. We could've talked about it." _

_ Clarke choked back a sob, her body shaking as she melted into Bellamy's side. "I want this baby, Bell, but I'm scared." _

_ "I think we'll always be scared." _

Clarke opened her eyes, tears openly streaming down her face. Not only did she lose a baby, but she got rid of one, too. She felt horrible. She could see it Bellamy's eyes (then and now) that he wanted another baby, and she ruined it for him both times. He told her that he didn't blame her, but there was no way he couldn't. Clarke would blame her, so why couldn't he?

Somewhere in the back of her mind she was telling herself, _'Because he loves you'_ , but she wasn't ready to acknowledge that. At least not yet.

She stood up and put the clothes back in the chair, just like she had found them. She walked out of the room with her head held high and holding her breath until the door clicked shut behind her. Bellamy across from her, leaning up against the wall.

"I'm so sorry," was all Clarke said before disappearing down the stairs and out the front door. Bellamy could hear Rory ask Abby questions that she didn't have the answers to. Hell, Bellamy couldn't even answer his own question. _'Do I go after her?'_ He didn't know. He wanted to- Hell, he really wanted to, but he didn't know for sure what she had been thinking - or maybe even remembering - while she was alone in the nursery.

Bellamy trudged down the stairs after making a decision of what he had to do next. He needed help and the only person on the ground that had dealt with memory loss patients before was Abby. He just hoped to hell that she would help him and not spew the same bullshit he was telling Clarke. He was only telling her that for her own benefit, but he would be damned if he just sat back and did nothing while she was struggling to remember any part of their past together. Yes, it would break his heart of she never remembered just how much they were in love with each other, but it would kill him if she never remembered Rory. He needed to this for his daughter; at least that's what he told himself.

Abby looked up when Bellamy entered the room, peeling her eyes away from whatever face Rory was making at her. "Is she-?"

"I don't know," Bellamy said in a strained voice, cutting her off before she could ask the question that everyone seemed to be asking him lately. He turned his attention to his daughter. "Can you go play in your room while I talk to Nana? Please," he added. When she looked like she was about to protest he gave her a stern look, telling her she had no choice in the matter.

Once they heard Rory's door creak open and her playful chatter as she played with her dolls, Abby spoke up. "You told her, didn't you?" The disappointment on her face was enough to send chills down his spine.

"She went into the room; I had no choice. If I didn't tell her then, I would have had to tell her soon. She'd have questions- She probably still has questions," he defended himself, knowing that he was right. Even Abby couldn't argue with him after he spoke his mind. She only nodded and looked up, thinking.

"How is she?" she finally asked after a long, extended silence. "Did she-" she trailed off, not wanting to think about what her daughter might have gone through.

Bellamy sighed. He could feel moisture pooling on the surface of his eyes. "I think so, and whatever she remembered only made her feel worse." He locked eyes with the woman that had become something like a mother to him over the past few years and said, "Abby, I am begging you, please help me bring her back. Please."

Abby looked away from him. He followed her gaze out the window, watching the birds flutter around underneath a low hanging branch that housed a nest with two eggs. "She just needs time, Bellamy."

Bellamy slammed his fist down onto the table top, and Abby jump with a start. She glared at him as she waited for him to find words. "I need _her_ _,_  Abby. Rory needs  _her._ If you don't help me I'll find a way to bring her back myself."

Abby closed her eyes to stop the tears that threatened to pour from her eyes. She knew Bellamy was suffering, but so was she. Clarke had forgotten about making peace with her years ago for what she did, she forgot about relying on her mother once again, and she forgot about how much progress they've made in become a functioning family once more. So she cracked. "You need to expose her to situations that may cause something to just click. You want her to remember what you used to do every night when you tucked Rory into bed; show her. You want her to remember the first time you ever told her you loved her; take here to where you said it. You want her to remember the way she loved to paint at the crack of dawn; give her the easel and paints. You need to make her remember by show, not just telling. She needs something that will trigger her memories, like painting Rory's room when she first walked into the room." She choked back a sob and added, "Like whatever it was that she remembered in the nursery after she saw it."

Bellamy nodded, rubbing his hand over his face to wipe away a stray tears that somehow escaped. "Thank you," he whispered.

Abby left the room without a word. The only sound in the entire house - aside from Rory's conversation with her dolls - was the creaking of the stairs as she climbed them to join her granddaughter. Bellamy sat at the kitchen table for hours, only nibbled at the food that Abby set in front of him for dinner, and let Abby tuck Rory into bed before leaving to turn in for the night. He could only sit in his chair and wait for Clarke to return. She just had to come back.

He stayed up well past sundown, but he did move into the living room where the seating choices were much more comfortable than the wooden chairs in the dining room. He sat silently and listened to the sounds of the men and women outside until the village was completely peaceful. Maybe she had gone back to Raven's? Maybe she had run right to Finn? Bellamy closed his eyes and forced the thought out of his mind.

He decided after a while that he would wait no longer than five more minutes. He counted down, hoping - hell, he was even praying - that Clarke would walk right through the front door, demanding answers in a way that only Clarke could do while looking ridiculously sexy.

When the five minutes was up, he breathed in heavily and stood up. He was so tired that he could barely put one foot in front of the other to walk up the stairs and into his bedroom. He pulled his shirt and pants off before slipping under the thin blankets and closing his eyes.

But he couldn't sleep. No matter how hard he tried, he just could slip into the unconscious sleep he so needed. Instead, his ears stayed tuned into the sounds of the house. He could hear the buzzing of the electricity that flowed through the house, lighting the hallway outside the room. He could hear the sound of the summer wind beating against the window to his right. He could hear the faint creak of the stairs as someone climbed them. Bellamy rolled to his side, eyes opening wide as he watched the door slowly swing open.

"Bellamy?" Hearing her voice at that moment was like a breath of fresh air. The light from the hallway made an illusion of a halo out of her golden hair, and for a second, he believed he was dreaming. He thought so even more when she approached the bed and crawled under the blanket, closer to him. "Can you just hold me? Please," she begged. Her eyes held a sadness that he could hardly make out in the darkness.

"You don't even have to ask, Princess," he replied, wrapping an arm around her and kissing her forehead softly. "We'll figure things out eventually, but for now, let's just sleep."

Clarke smiled despite the yawn that contorted her face. "That sounds like a great idea."

Bellamy didn't even hear her response. He was already in a deep, blissful sleep - the best sleep he's had since her accident - all thanks to the woman in his arms. His princess.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have never gone through a miscarriage nor has anyone close to me, so I don't know what it's like. I tried my very best to describe what Clarke was feeling, but because I've never witnesses/experienced it first hand, I can't be 100% accurate. Plus everyone reacts to traumatic events differently, and this is just how I imagined Clarke would react since she doesn't even remember being pregnant in the first place. And if you got what was being hinted at in her memory (I'm not going to spoil it for those of you who didn't), just know that everyone is entitled to their own opinions on the subject. Myself, I don't believe in it, but Clarke was desperate and scared. So, that's just the way I wrote it. If you have any questions please don't hesitate to ask. Also, feedback is encouraged! The support thus far has been wonderful and I couldn't thank you enough, so I hope the early update is enough to show my gratitude for now.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Even though I thought I was about to miss my deadline I still pulled it off. I'll be honest, it isn't exactly my best work, but I managed. Enjoy!

He woke up alone the next morning.

Bellamy knew that Clarke had left just before the sun was up, but he wasn't going to stop her. She would be comfortable soon enough, once she regained some of her memories, but until then Bellamy was going to let her set the pace. Sure, he was going to do whatever he could to jog her memory, but none of what he had in mind entailed making her uncomfortable. He didn't want her to think of him like that. He wanted her to think of him as the man she loved, the man she had a family with.

He let Rory sleep later than usual that morning. He was in a good mood, and everyone was going to know it. Even if it meant being a little less strict with his daughter and nicer to the people that usually pissed him off on a regular basis.

His mood only got better when he walked into the kitchen after washing up and getting dressed. Clarke sat on top of the counter, staring out of the large window as she sipped the steaming tea in her mug. She smiled at him when she saw him approach her. "Good morning," she hummed, taking another sip of her tea.

He kissed her forehead before rummaging through the cupboards for plates. "Good morning, Princess." Honestly, this was the happiest he's been in weeks, maybe even years. His jaw was starting to hurt from smiling when Clarke finally spoke up again.

"Where's Rory?" she asked, eyes glued to the doorway as if she were expecting Rory to bounce into the room at any moment.

"I let her sleep in a bit this morning," he replied nonchalantly with a shrug. Then he suggested, "You could probably go wake her up if you wanted."

Clarke smiled, eyes growing bigger, brighter. "I'd like that. Is there anything she needs to do, change into, or-" she trailed off, not know what she had to do for her daughter's morning routine.

Bellamy shook his head. "She can stay in her pajamas. A day in with my girls sounds like a perfect idea to me." He smiled at her reassuringly before she left the room with a smile directed back at him. His own mood started to freak him out a bit when he started to whistle while making breakfast, but he didn't care. He was happy and he was going to show it. He whistled the tune that he remembered Clarke singing to Rory when she was just a few months old. He didn't even notice Clarke enter the room with Rory latched onto her until after he had plates made up and the table set for breakfast.

Clarke stared at him in wonder. Rory dashed to her seat at the table and started eating, but Clarke stayed frozen in place. Her lips were trembling. "I- I remember that. I used to sing that to her, didn't I?" She could just barely recall an image of a baby in her arms, red faced and screaming. After a few minutes of rocking and soft murmurs, she started to sing an old song she heard on the Ark that was from before the Cataclysm. Soon the baby was asleep in her arms. "It helped her sleep at night."

Bellamy nodded. "It helped me sleep at night when things got particularly rough, too," he admitted, looking her directly in the eyes. "But that's another story - or memory, whichever way you want to look at it - for another time."

Clarke nodded. Her lips were drawn together in a tight line and her eyes looking down at her feet. She pulled herself from whatever daze she was in to smile widely at him. "It smells really good. Who knew you could cook?" she teased, smile turning into a smug smirk as she sat down at the table.

Bellamy let out a huff of laughter, tilting his head to one side. "We learned pretty quickly who the cool was after we got together, and it definitely wasn't you."

Clarke's mouth dropped open in disbelief. "I can cook well enough."

He rolled his eyes and tilted his head back with laughter. "'Well enough' doesn't mean it’s good, Clarke." He grinned at her when she stuck her tongue out at him. Finally, everything was starting to feel as close to normal as they were going to get.

Rory was staring between her mother and father, forehead creased and eyebrows furrowed. "Daddy does cook better, but it’s okay. I still love you, Mama!" she said excitedly. She giggled at the look on Clarke's face and smiled at her parents brightly.

This felt normal to Clarke. It was like she was living the life she never knew she had or wanted, but she liked it. She realized that sooner or later, things would change drastically and she wouldn't know what to do with herself, but until then she was just going to enjoy herself.

She looked at it almost like she looked at leading the others years ago when they first arrived on the ground. She had been co-parenting with Bellamy for over seven years if she thought really hard about it. Raising Rory with him couldn't really be all that different; at least she thought that, anyway.

She finished eating, listening to Rory go on about her plans for the day with 'Uncle Jasper'. She caught Bellamy looking at her once or twice when she looked up from her plate, brown eyes focused only on her like nothing else in the world matter but the two of them. At least, not until Rory would say something to either of them, ending their moment until she would catch him staring once again.

Clarke cleared her throat and stood up, carrying her plate to the sink. She gave Bellamy and Rory once last smile and a wave before walking out of the room. She needed to see her mom. She needed to know what happened between them all those years ago.

The earth crunched beneath her feet, getting closer and closer to the hut she had woken up in two days ago. She knocked on the ajar wooden door, glancing in at her mother flipping through her medical journal. Clarke recognized the brown leather book immediately. "Mom? Do you think we can talk for a few minutes?"

Abby looked up at her daughter and Clarke noticed how much she had aged in the past seven years. Wrinkles were forming more deeply on her forehead, her eyes were losing their shine, and her hair was greying more than Clarke even realized. She blamed it on the lighting. "Of course, Clarke. Come sit down," she told her, nodding to the chair in the corner of the small room. After Clarke was sat in the chair, Abby brought her own chair closer to her. "What's on your mind?"

"I slept with Bellamy last night." Clarke wanted to slap herself the second the words were out of her mouth. The look on her mother's face didn't make it any better. "That's not what I meant. I was trying to say that we- we  _slept_ in the same bed  _together_ ," she corrected herself, then added, "That sounds so much better."

Abby tried to hide her amused smile behind her hand, but it didn't escape Clarke's attention. She didn't hide her scowl from her mother, though. Abby removed her smile and put on her concerns parent face. "Were you comfortable with it?"

She nodded. She had been surprisingly comfortable in Bellamy's arms last night. She was even comfortable when he rolled over and pulled her into him, back tight against his chest. "He really loves me, doesn't he?"

Abby smiled at her daughter. It was like watching her fall in love all over again, even if she didn't know it yet, herself. "I think he's loved you ever since you got him pardoned," Abby suggested.

Clarke gapped. "How would you know? You didn't even know him then."

Abby smiled mischievously. "I talked to him once or twice before everything on the Ark went to hell. He needed help with a wound he got but he didn't want to worry you. That's when I knew that he loved my daughter."

Clarke smiled softly. She remembered him complaining about a sore shoulder after falling down a slope while hunting, but he didn't want her help, said it was only a small cut. Clearly, he had been lying. She knew it now. "I'm really trying, Mom. I want to be able to love him the way that he loves me, but I just can't without remembering everything. Somewhere along the way, sometime years ago, I fell in love with Bellamy. He made me fall in love with, and I want to remember what it felt like, Mom. I want to remember our first kiss, I want to remember the first time he told me loved me, I want to remember the first time we-" She stopped herself before she finished that thought. That was not something she needed to share with her mother.

"You'll figure it all out. I know you don't want to hear it, but you just need time." She sighed. "He's trying really hard, Clarke. He really is. He wants you to remember, but at the same time there are things he wishes that you never remember. He only wants you to remember the good."

"He wants me to remember him and Rory," she said quietly, almost so low that Abby didn't hear her. "What's so bad that he doesn't want me to remember?"

Her mother's mouth turned into a frown. "Clarke," she warned. "You really should be talking to Bellamy about this. Not me." Abby turned around, effectively ending the conversation when she went back to reading her medical journal.

Clarke sighed. She didn't really get the answers that she wanted, but she got  _something_ _._ It was better than nothing. "I'll see you later then, I guess." She turned around and left her mother to her reading, hoping that someone else would have the answers that she was seeking. She looked around once she stood outside to see who was out and about but only found Finn and Miller discussing something at the far edge of the village, heads close together as if someone would hear them, as if they weren't alone aside from Clarke. She couldn't even make out noises from the two, but Miller looked upset. Hell, he looked furious.

Finally, "Go fuck yourself, Collins!" spilled from Miller's mouth. He stormed off, not looking back.

It made Clarke wonder what they had been discussing.

Finn looked almost as equally frustrated about his confrontation with Miller, but when he turned and spotted Clarke his scowl lifted into a wide smile. He walked towards her, and Clarke but her tongue in an attempt to not bring up what she had just witnessed.

"Hey," Finn greeted when he was only a few feet away. "What are you doing out so early?"

Clarke rolled her eyes and let out a laugh. "It's nearly eleven, Finn. It's not early," she told him defiantly. She gestured to the seemingly lifeless village around her and asked, "Where is everyone?"

He shrugged in response, but Clarke had a feeling that there was something that he wasn't telling her. She raised a brow at him, hoping she looked intimidating.

She didn't.

"If you're not gonna tell me, I'll be going." She turned to leave, but Finn's hand wrapped around her arm, effectively stopping her from going anywhere. "Finn, let me go."

"Can we please talk about last night?" he asked, eyes big and pleading with her.

She pulled her arm back to her body, away from his touch. "There's nothing to talk about, Finn. I needed someone to talk to, and you happened to be there. Don't make it out to be something that it's not."

He shook his head and breathed out an incredulous laugh. "He hasn't told you everything, you know. You two weren't as happy as he makes it seem. He had secrets and you did, too."

Before Clarke could as any questions, Finn was suddenly on the ground and Bellamy stood in front over her...protectively? "Stop trying to put ideas into her head, Spacewalker. You know goddamn well that we were happy. You just don't know when to give up, do you? She's with me, so back the fuck off."

Finn glared up at him. His gaze shifted to Clarke and grin appeared on his face. It was the kind of grin that made Clarke want to slap the shit out of him. "She doesn't know, do she?"

"Know what?" she finally spoke up. She didn't like that they were talking as if she wasn't even there. "What aren't you telling me?" Other than everything you already aren't telling me, she added to herself.

"Your daughter," he began, "might not be a Blake."

 _Might not be a_... "No." Clarke surprised herself with how sure she sounded. There was no daughter in her mind that Rory was Bellamy's daughter. She knew it the moment she laid eyes on the young girl. She had Bellamy's freckles, his dark eyes, and his dark hair. She was a Blake, no doubt. "Where do you find the audacity to even suggest something like that, Finn?"

"It's not my fault you were screwing both of us at the same time," he spat.

That comment earned him a fist to the jaw.

"Leave my family alone, Spacewalker," Bellamy hissed. He left Finn sprawled out on the ground as he led Clarke towards their home.  He noticed the way she stiffened under his touch and blamed Spacewalker for even bringing up the past, for even insinuating that his daughter was his, for even reminding Clarke of a mistake she had made after a particularly tough fight with Bellamy almost five years ago.

"I'm sorry," she choked out when her legs finally agreed to move with Bellamy's. She felt awful, but she wasn't sure for what. Because she slept with Finn years ago when she was supposed to be with Bellamy, or because she ran to him last night after remember the baby she would never get to meet.

Bellamy noticed how distraught she was and placed a soft kiss just short of her hairline. "Don't get too worked up about this, Princess. It's in the past."

Clarke let out a shaky sob. "Isn't that what you're trying to get me to remember?" It just didn't make any sense to her. Not one bit of these past few days did.

But there Bellamy was, a comforting arm around her shoulders, leading her to their home, back to their daughter, and towards the life that she didn't remember. He was leading her back to a part of her life that she, seven years ago, never would have imagined for herself.

And then she realized something. "You're too good for me," she told him. Her eyes never lifted to meet his, even though she could feel his bore holes into the side of her head. Instead, her gaze remained fixated on the ground in front of her.

Bellamy stopped only twenty yards from their house and turned her so she was facing him. Placing his hands on her cheeks tenderly, he lifted her face so she looked him directly in the eyes. "Clarke," he said seriously, "he has been trying to get in between the two of us for six years now. He's been trying to get in between Raven and Miller for the past six months. He sees you losing your memory as a way to try to weasel himself back into your life. Don't listen to anything he tells you. Okay?"

"I cheated on you five years ago." It wasn't a question, by a statement. And by Bellamy's sigh, she knew that it was true. It wasn't something Finn had said to get a reaction out of her and Bellamy. She really did cheat on Bellamy, just like Finn had cheated on Raven with her so many years ago. "How did you forgive me? I wouldn't have forgiven me."

He gave Clarke a sympathetic look. "We were dysfunctional, Clarke. Honestly, we weren't even a  _we_ _._ We had sex occasionally and that was it. You came to my cabin one night, and I- There was another girl, and you- I understand why you did it. I was mad at first, but I got over it. Two months later you told me you were pregnant _."_

"Did I ever think it was Finn's?" She wanted to know, but then again she didn't. Her curiosity was a terrible thing sometimes.

Thankfully, he shook his head. She breathed a sigh of relief as he explained. "No, I knew that the baby couldn't have been his. According to your mom, you were three months pregnant."

She leaned into him. "Why is he like this?"

His arms wrapped around her and his kissed the top of her head. "I don't know. Everyone changed a little bit over the past few years. He's just changed a lot. There are days when he's fine and trying to get with a grounder girl that comes to the village, and other days he can hardly stay away from you or Raven."

It was sad, really. Bellamy had scars on his body from when they had gotten separated from everyone else when the grounders attacked almost seven years ago, but Finn had scars everywhere else. He wasn't the same person anymore. Occasionally Bellamy would see signs of the old Finn, but then he would do something to piss of Raven or Clarke - or worse Bellamy or Miller - and it was like a relapse almost. It was painful for him to watch, but his family was his main priority. He didn't care if Spacewalker wanted to have a mental break down and get his ass kicked once a week.

Clarke nodded slowly. She seemed as if she was about to drop the subject completely when her head snapped back up and her wide eyes stared back at Bellamy. "Did you say Miller and Raven?"

He chuckled. Her reaction less than six months earlier had been almost identical. "I was surprised you didn't figure it out already. He finally grew a pair about half a year ago and told Raven exactly what he wanted to do to her. He was pretty blunt about it and Raven liked that. Now they're together. End of story."

"Is it just sex?"

He shook his head. "Maybe at the beginning, but he stays with her a lot now. He's always happy and so is she. He's good for her, and she's good for him. Neither of them really want kids, so they go well together."

Clarke nodded slowly. "That's why she was so happy the morning after my mom arrived. Miller was the one who had to escort her here so he was gone for a few days."

"Bingo," was his reply. Clarke thought about her friend and how she was happy with her life now. It made Clarke think about her life. It was a struggle so far, but she knew that sooner or later, she would feel normal in her own skin. She wouldn't freeze when Bellamy laced his fingers through hers like she did. It took her a moment to give his hand a reassuring squeeze. "Let's go, home, Princess. I'm sure Rory wants to spend some time with you before we go see Monroe."

At the mention of Monroe her heart sank. "Is she-"

"She's doing fine, Clarke. Don't worry. You're mom has been treating her, and she's starting to make progress."

She smiled at him. "Good."

And then she did something that neither had been expecting.

She placed a hand on his cheek and looked up at him, trying to figure out what he was thinking. Then she hesitantly rose onto the tips of her feet and placed a soft kiss on his lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part of the reason this chapter was so hard to write was because of the lack of response in the previous chapter. I really do enjoy when you take guesses as to what's going to happen or even give me suggestions because I genuinely take them into consideration. I really can't finish this story without you guys. Truly. I just hope that I'll have a little bit of inspiration for the next few weeks, since I just got Day 21 in the mail and season two starts in like two and a half weeks (I'm so jacked by the way!), but please, let me know what you think because it's your comments that really inspire me.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, due to me being so excited about the season premier of Arrow tonight and the new trailer for season two, I went into super writer mode and cranked out another chapter. Also, some of you may notice that I recently added the canon divergence tag simply because with season two starting in two weeks (EEP!) things are obviously going to be different since I have no idea what's going to happen at Mount Weather. But anyway, I hope you enjoy the (super) early update!

_It had been six months, twenty-four days, and nearly two hours since they escaped. Since they were rescued. Even in that amount of time she was haunted by her memories of the time weeks she spent at Mount Weather._

_She would wake up in the middle of the night when the moon was at its peak in the sky and the last remnants of the large bonfire were smoldering on the pit that they had made specifically for the nightly gatherings. Everyone was asleep, a few even passed out on the ground around the pit. It was mid-June, so there was no need to sleep indoors when the temperature reached well above seventy degrees most nights. She had to watch where she stepped in order not to crush a stray hand or foot beneath her._

_She did this often, sneaking away from everyone and everything when her nightmares woke her up. Sometimes they were too much for her to handle that she walked down to the river and plunged herself into the chilly water. It was one of those nights._

_She knew the path to the river so well at this point that she didn't even need to see where she was going. In fact, she embraced the complete darkness that surrounded her when the foliage of the trees above her blocked out the moon's low blue light the surrounded the camp. It was her own sanctuary away from her thoughts of men in white lab suits, white walls, and white furniture. The darkness disallowed anything white, and she was beyond grateful for that._

_She reached the river in less time than it had taken the last time she decided to take a midnight swim; she thought of it as washing all of the bad away._

_Her hands were shaking as she lifted her shirt above her head and pulled it off. She took a deep breath in an effort to calm herself down, but it was useless. Her hands were shaking so much that it was difficult to unbutton her pants in order to push them down her legs. Dressed in only her bra and underwear, she walked hesitantly towards the moving water. She could feel the panic attack starting, and the sooner the cold water hit her body the sooner the panic attack would be over._

_She was waist deep when she heard her name called from somewhere in the thick forest behind her. "Clarke, is that you?" the person asked as the emerged from the tree line. She recognized him almost instantly as the moonlight lit up his tanned body. "What are you doing out here? Shouldn't you be sleeping?"_

_"Shouldn't you?" she shot back in a detached tone. Her breathing was still quick and shallow. She needed him to leave._

_He stepped forward slowly. Clarke watched him over her shoulder, slowly sinking deeper in the water. He pulled his own clothes off, never taking his eyes off of her, almost as if he were worried what she was about to do. "Clarke, don't make me come in there and drag you out." She opened her mouth to argue but he cut her off with, "You know I will, too."_

_"Just go back to camp, Bellamy." She sank into the water as her breathing started to falter. Just as quick as she submerged completely under the water, feeling the current tug the water around her body, she felt arms around her waist pulling her out of the water and back to the shore. "What the hell, Bellamy! I said go back to camp!"_

_"Not until you tell me what's wrong with you! You've been doing this for the last two weeks and I'm worried, Clarke. I'm scared out of my fucking mind because you won't tell me what's bothering you." She could barely make out the distraught expression on his face in the moonlight. His eyes were even darker and it was as if they were staring directly into her soul, learning all of her dark secrets that she held onto, the ones that plagued her dreams and turned them into nightmares._

_She sighed. "I'm broken, Bellamy. They got what they wanted and broke me. They acted as if they were only trying to help us, and then- They even said that they saved us, but in reality they played mind games with us, and I lost. They won, and they broke me. It was what they had wanted all along."_

_Bellamy stepped closer to her, gripping one of her hands tightly in his own. In one swift moment she was in his arms. "You're not broken, Princess," he whispered into the hair above her left ear._

_She put her hands on his chest and tried to push him away. His hold on her was too strong; eventually she stopped struggling and collapsed into him. Wet tears were streaming her face now. "I'm broken, and there is nothing you can do about it, Bellamy. Nobody can fix me. Not now, not ever."_

_He leaned his forehead against hers and pulled her even closer. "I'm just as broken as you are, Clarke." He sighed when she dropped her head to the crook of his neck and disagreed quietly. Her hands started to trace the ragged skin of his chest as she started to whimper about his scars being her fault._

_Her eyes were glued to the raised, red marks that covered his skin in patches. His back was worse than his chest, but it was still just as gruesome to remember that she was the cause of it. "They told me that I killed you. They said that you died cursing my name, saying that you hated me for leaving you out there to die."_

_His eyes widened in sudden understanding. "Clarke. Clarke, look at me." His hands found the sides of her face and he gently lifted her head so they looked into each other's eyes. Her normally blue eyes looked gray, almost lifeless. "I'm here. I'm standing right in front of you, I'm alive, and I don't hate you. God, Clarke! I could never hate you. I'm proud of you for making that decision. Do you have any idea how many lives you saved that night?"_

_Her lips began to tremble. Her hand traced a rather angry looking scar that tore across his chest. "But your scars-"_

_"I don't care about the scars," he interrupted her. "I didn't care about them than, and I don't care about them now. I just care about- I just want you to be okay, Clarke," he told her, voice lowering to a whisper._

_Clarke looked up at him, eyes searching his intently. She angled her face up a bit further and placed her lips over Bellamy's. All too soon, though, she pulled away. She didn't want to talk about what just happened. She turned away, but before she even took one step she was back in his arms, lips pressed to his in a passionate kiss._

_"You're not broken, Princess," his whispered against her lips before pulling her in for another kiss._

His lips were nice... and warm... and soft. Just like they had been the first time. The tingling Clarke was feeling was partially from remembering, partially from the feel of Bellamy's lips on hers. Wanting to not push her, Bellamy pulled away. He did, however, smirk at the flustered look on her face, the look that his kiss put there.

Clarke stood in shock, partly due to her actions. She wanted to figure things out before she got involved with Bellamy aside from parenting Rory with him. "The river," she blurted out, looking up at him with wide eyes. "I had PTSD, didn't I?"

He nodded and looked at her with a worried expression. "Self-diagnosis. You didn't tell me until about a week after that night."

Clarke shook her head and walked towards their house. He followed her through the door and up the stairs, into their bedroom. "I didn't even think PTSD was around anymore. On the Ark it was so rare for anyone to have it, but before the Cataclysm tons of people had it; mostly soldiers were diagnosed with it after coming home from war. I just don’t understand. Why did it bother me so much then, but now, when I can't remember hardly anything past my time in Mount Weather, it doesn't bother me at all?"

He shrugged. He didn't have the answer to that. "Maybe you're trying to remember so much about your life that you just block everything else out about that past," he offered with a small smile that she returned.

Then she laughed. "Not everything. I still remember not being able to stand you for a while," she teased, laughing at his false hurt expression.

His eyes lit up as he laughed. "That never went away, Princess. I annoy the hell out of you, you piss me off a lot, but we're great in bed together." His laughter grew louder at the red tint that flooded Clarke's cheeks. He loved it when she blushed. Then Bellamy got serious. "At the end of every day, no matter how much we hated the other, we always went to bed loving each other. We just made it work somehow."

Clarke leaned her head against his shoulder. "We'll make it work again soon. I know we will."

He wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her in close, reveling in the feel of her warmth next to him. "I know, too." He pressed a kiss to her forehead and suggested, "Why don't you head downstairs and take a bath before we go see Monroe. Plus, a change of clothes would probably be nice."

Clarke glanced down at what she was wearing and realized that she hadn't changed since she woke up, nor had she bathed. She scrunched her nose up in disgust. She hated feeling dirty, and she couldn't ignore the feeling now that she was made aware of it. "That sounds like a great idea."

Two hours later, after she was bathed, changed, and fed, she let Bellamy lead her towards a cabin that had a big Red Cross painted on the door. She recognized it almost immediately. She had been the one to paint it on the door after the building was completed just over six years ago.

Bellamy gave her hand a squeeze as they walked into the sterile-smelling cabin. It was small, but the cabin was divided into four sections: the patient rooms and one medical storage room. Bellamy pulled her towards the first patient room. What she saw inside made her gasp. There were machines set up, much like the ones from the Ark, to monitor heart rate and a needle in Monroe's arm with a tube attaching it to the bag of IV that hung in the corner of the room. "When did..."

"Your mom and some of the other doctors from the Ark gave us the equipment when they realized we weren't going to be joining them." Bellamy shrugged at her stunned look and returned his attention back to the motionless (more like lifeless) Monroe as she lay on the bed, in a deep sleep that she had been in for nearly a week. The long scar that covered her face was a reminder of what could have happened to the blond that stood next to him. If she had been only a twenty yards closer, he would be looking at Clarke's comatose form instead of Monroe's. He didn’t know what he would have done if Clarke hadn’t woken up days ago. For starters, he probably would have gone insane. Apart from that, he just didn’t know.

"Oh my God," Clarke gasped. Her hand reached up to cover her mouth that was agape with shock. She felt terrible, almost as if Monroe's condition was her fault. Her hair was matted with dried blood that hadn't been washed out, maybe because everyone was scared to touch her in such a vulnerable state, and much of the exposed skin looked raw and red. Clarke was quick to realize that the skin had almost been completely burnt off.

And then there was Monty. He sat in a chair next to Monroe's bed, body contorted into an odd position as he slept. The dark circles under his eyes told Clarke that this was the first time he allowed himself to sleep in days.

Abby appeared from behind them and moved to the monitor to check Monroe's vitals. "Come for a quick visit?" she asked, jotting something down in her medical journal. She never looked up at the two directly, but she did glance at the pairs entwined hands briefly, a smile forming on her lips.

"Has she made any progress?" Clarke asked. She shifted from Amnesiac Clarke to Doctor Clarke in two seconds after seeing Monroe.

Abby's gaze locked onto Clarke's and she nodded. "She entered a vegetative state last night and was moving her hands slightly. Monty told me she opened her eyes for a brief second before they closed again, but that's all good news. It means that her condition improved enough for me to be able to remove some of the tubes from her body, but," she lowered her voice, "the vegetative state can last for up to a year. I'm doing everything I can to speed up the progress, but there's only so much that I can do without damaging her brain permanently."

Clarke lowered her eyes. "She's going to be like me, isn't she? She won't remember things."

Her mother nodded. "Post traumatic amnesia is very common for coma patients that were involved in an accident. She'd be very lucky to wake up with all of her memories still intact." Clarke frowned at her mother and looked at Monroe. She looked peaceful. She would look a little bit better if someone would clean her up. "I have to run some tests now, but if you'd like to wait, Raven's in the third room."

"What's Raven doing here? Is she okay?" Bellamy asked, his hand squeezing Clarke's out of worry.

Abby smiled reassuringly at him. "She's absolutely fine. I just wanted to check her leg since she's been complaining about pain lately."

Clarke nodded and led Bellamy towards the third patient room. "Do you mind if I talk to her alone for a minute?" she asked, letting go of his hand.

"I'll wait right here for you." He smiled and sat on the floor, leaning against the wall and closing his eyes. Clarke knew that if she and Raven talked for too long, she would come back out to find him fast asleep.

Clarke knocked on the door before entering. Raven sat on top of the exam table wearing a patient's gown, leg extended on the table. Clarke could see where she had been wounded; a scar formed right over where the wound would have been from the stitches. "How are you feeling?" she asked her dark-haired friend.

Raven's eyes widened. "Are you back on doc duty already?"

Clarke chuckled and shook her head. "No. Bellamy and I were just visiting Monroe, and my mom told us that you were here. Plus, I have some questions for you." Raven raised a brow, waiting for her to continue. "You and Miller? How come I didn't see that one coming?"

Raven blushed and laughed. "Actually," she began, "you did. You're the one convinced me to give Miller a chance after he made a pass at me." Raven smiled at Clarke. "I never did get a chance to thank you for that," she continued.

"Wow, I really need to catch up." Clarke was missing so many memories that regular conversations with her best friend were getting hard to have. It visibly changed her mood, and she saw Raven frowning.

"It's not your fault, Clarke. I think its fun that we can gossip about our men now, since we don't really know what's going on anymore. I can gush about Miller and you can tell me all about what you remember." Raven could tell Clarke felt better after hearing that. Her shoulders didn't sag and her lips curved up slightly at the edges. "Now, go tell Bellamy hi and give Rory a hug for me. Go home and be with your family."

Clarke smiled. _Family._ She really liked the sound of that. "As long as you give Miller a hug for me. I've hardly seen him since I woke up."

"We'll come over for dinner soon. I promise, even if I have to drag him through the front door." Her laughter echoed in the room along with Clarke's. "Now go before I kick you out," she joked.

Clarke's laughter didn't recede until she exited. Bellamy jumped up from his spot on the floor and brushed himself off. "You ready to go?" he asked, reaching out to take her hand.

She nodded and happily slid her hand into his. It was warm and comforting. She never thought that she would ever be holding hands with Bellamy Blake, but apparently in the last five years they'd done a lot more than just hold hands. It sent a shiver down her spine. "Let's go on a picnic," she said spontaneously. "Just you, me, and Rory."

He looked at her with wide eyes and raised brows. "Really?" he asked as if he was afraid she'd lost her mind. She smirked at him, raised a single eyebrow, and nodded slowly so he would comprehend that she was serious. "Okay, then. I'll go pack us some food if you go get Rory from Jasper and Harper's."

She smiled. "Meet you at the edge of the village in five minutes?" she suggested. When he replied with a small nod she leaned up and pecked his lips before turning away to retrieve her daughter from the house that was painted a light, eggshell color in the middle of the village.

Kissing him was going to take some getting used to, but she was okay with that. She liked his kisses. She liked his kisses _a lot_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I'm taking a hiatus, if anyone hasn't guessed, but I hope to be back by spring break. I know it's a long time, but I have school, and sports, and omg I'm attempting (stress on attempting) to write an original novel. I would love if you guys could check it on wattpad for me. It's called 'Off Kilter', and any feedback on it would much appreciated. I'm also going to start editing SYR, and once I'm done with that I'll try to start writing new chapters, but I'm just not feeling it at the moment. So please, give me some ideas for SYR or go over to wattpad and check out Off Kilter. It would be much appreciated. Thanks!


	8. NOT A NEW CHAPTER

So, first of all, I apologize for my super long hiatus. I had only expected it to last like maybe a month or two, but it lasted like a year and a half?

Secondly, I have edited all previous chapters because my hurried 2014 writing skills were horrendous. 

Thirdly, I do plan on continuing this story. However, I have an immense case of writers block. I used to have a general idea for the path that I wanted to take for this story, but I just don't think it fits the story anymore. Most of my time at the moment is being taken up by school because college sucks and most of my writing focus is currently being used up by my GOT fic. I don't know how long it'll be until I start writing again, but I'm going to say that there should for sure be a new chapter before May is over because I'll be done with school for the year in six weeks. 

Fourth, for everyone who subscribed to this and has kept faith in me despite my long as hell hiatus, I am so thankful for you guys. Hearing so much feedback from you guys gave me motivation to write but life got in the way. I may disappear for a few weeks at a time, but I'll never disappear for a year ever again unless you're given some sort of notice. 

Again, I appreciate you guys so much, and just hold on a little bit longer. A new chapter will be here before you know it.


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